17 Feb, 2013

wow

its been a long time since ive been on this site lmao! my name is Eric webster on facebook, twitter name @shawmayim, instagram name Therealmonaco! its been 2 years since ive been on this site

02 Jan, 2011

HAPPY NEWS

HAPPY NEW YEARS

02 Dec, 2010

massage

Relax, Relax Make your mind.. Make your mind..with me..with me.. I'm on my (my) way home (home) 'bout to hit the exit do you need sum'n (ooh) coz I know you had a long day (Whooa) Do you miss me (me) coz I miss you (you) and that s**y lil thing you make your lips do way your hips move, keep me thinkin 'bout the love I wanna give to you (give you) You deserve the world if I could give it Stars will come to you and ask permission to shine coz only you shine And tonight I got ur Neck(neck), shoulders, back (back back back) Baby I'mma touch on all that, once I pull in the garage (once I pull in the garage) once I hope up out the car (once I hope up out the car) I'm gon relieve your stress(stress), yes(yes), baby fall back tonight I'm gon' be workin all that loose the panties and the bra (take 'em off) I'mma start with the massage (massage) From your head to your toes, massage

12 Oct, 2010

Stress

“Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down.”

11 Oct, 2010

pressure

Anytime you have a difficult encounter with your child, there is a good chance that at least one of these factors is bringing out the worst in him or her: transitions, time pressure, competition for your attention, conflicting objectives.

24 Sep, 2010

SMALLVILLE THE FINALE SEASON

TONIGHT IS THE BIG EVENT, SMALLVILLE STARTS TONIGHT THE FINALE AND LAST SEASON

18 Sep, 2010

success

"Most successful men have not achieved their distinction by having some new talent or opportunity presented to them. They have developed the opportunity that was at hand."

30 Aug, 2010

peace

When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”

22 Jul, 2010

lmao

I think the key to any successful relationship is keeping the s** fresh. I said to her the other night, 'Let's do some s**ual role playing. You pretend to be the hostess of some big dinner party. I'll pretend to be the kid from the local high school you hired to be the bartender.' So, I made a pass at her; she and her husband beat the hell out of me.

08 Jul, 2010

lmao

A kid was late for school one day. "I had to take the bull down to mate with the heifer," he explained to the teacher. "Couldn't your father have done that?" "Sure, but the bull would have done a better job."

06 Jul, 2010

...

I met a girl recently, and we're talking, and she said, 'I'm bulimic.' So, I said, 'Well, how come you don't have an accent?' She said, 'No, it's a disease.' So, I said, 'Well, I'll get condoms. I don't want to catch some Albanian sh*t.'

28 Jun, 2010

drunk

Signs That You are Too Drunk You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Your job is interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream. Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not! Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem! You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. You fall off the floor.. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. At AA meetings you begin: 'Hi my name is.. uh..' Your idea of cutting back is less salt. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men]. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive. Roseanne looks good. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass. That damned pink elephant followed me home again. I'm as sober as a judge. The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering. You wake up screaming 'TORO TORO TORO!' in the middle of the night.

17 Jun, 2010

SEX

“Max is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them.”

16 Jun, 2010

...

“I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on Saturday Night Live and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with Lost in Translation and Rushmore. I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great

10 Jun, 2010

lmao

I have such a dilemma. There is a guy at my gym with no legs, and I feel really awkward around him every time I see him. So I tried to make a connection. I said, 'Hey Dan. Working on arms again today?

08 Jun, 2010

HAHAHAHHA

“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.”

05 Jun, 2010

cool

?????? Doh! Doh! Doh! ??????? Doh! Doh! Doh! ??????? Doh! Doh! Doh! ???????? ?????????? ??????????? ???????????? ???????????? ???????????? ??????????? ???????????? ???????????? ???????????? ????????????? ?????????????? ???? ????????? ????? ???? ????????????? ?????????? ????????? ????? ?????? ??????? ???????

02 Jun, 2010

HURT

Forget your personal tragedy. We are all b****ed from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it-don't cheat with it.

27 May, 2010

LMMFAO

Ive been with mostfungames for 2 years and this site has not change hahah lmao. a bunch of fake people

25 May, 2010

AHAHHA

There was this woman who had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed so she could look younger so she went to a plastic surgeon. She tells the doctor I cant get rid of these bags please help me. The doctor says he is gonna try and new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes she's supposed to crank it and the bags will go away. So she gets this crank put in her head and leaves. It works and works for a while until one day she cant get rid of these bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can but they just wont go away. So she goes to the doctor. She says to the doctor: "Doctor, this was working for a while, but I cant seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies: "Lady those aren't bags... those are your t**s!" All she had to say was, "Now that would explain why I have this goatee."

24 May, 2010

LIFE

The meaning of life is contained in every single expression of life. It is present in the infinity of forms and phenomena that exist in all of creation

04 May, 2010

Ludacris- my chick bad

My chick bad My chick hood My chick do stuff dat ya chick wish she could My chick bad, badder (badder) than yours My my chick bad, badder (badder) than yours My my my chick bad, badder (badder) than yours Listen I'm saying my chick bad My chick hood My chick do stuff that your chick wish she could My chick bad, badder than yours My chick do stuff that I can't even put in words Her swagger don't stop Her body won't quit So fool pipe down you ain't talkin bout s*** My chick bad, tell me if you seen her She always bring the racket like Venus and Serena All white top, all white belt And all white jeans, body looking like milk No time for games, she's full grown My chick bad, tell your chick to go home Now your girl might be sick but my girl sicker She rides that d*** and she handles her liquor She knock a b**** out aaaand fight Coming out swinging like Tiger Woods wife Yeah she could get a little hasty Chicks better cover up they chests like pasty's Couple girl friends and they all a little crazy Coming down the street like a parade Macy's Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com I fill her up balloons Test her and g**s get drawn like cartoons Doh, but I aint talkin bout homer Chick so bad the whole crew wanna bone her Yo, yo now (now, now, now, now) all these b****es wanna try and be my besty But I take a left and leave them hanging like a testi Trash talk to em then I put em in a hefty Running down a court Im dunkin on them Lisa Leslie It's going down, bas****t, Friday the 13th guess who's playing Jason Tuck yourself in you better hold on to your teddy It's nightmare on Elm street and guess who's playing Freddy (My chick bad) Chef cooking for me, they say my shoe game crazy The mental Asylum looking for me You a rookie to me I'm in dat wam bam purple Lam' damn b**** you been a fan. And When We All Alone (I might just tip her) she slides down the pole (Like a certified stripper)

22 Feb, 2010

a fool

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no living one YAHWEH. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good the fool come from:5036 hebrew word nabal (naw-bawl'); from OT:5034; stupid; wicked (especially impious): KJV - fool (-ish, -ish man, -ish woman), vile person. stupid means lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull. 2.characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; (www.dictionary.com)

22 Feb, 2010

WICKED

The wicked shall be turned into SHEOWL, and all the nations that forget the mighty one YAHWEH. WICK FROM 7563 HEBREW WORD rasha` (raw-shaw'); from OT:7561; morally wrong; concretely, an (actively) bad person: condemned, guilty, ungodly, wicked (man), that did wrong.

18 Feb, 2010

imagine that

Can u believe what people do in the church these days? I was in the church listening tothe priest's sermon when i saw a guy smoking cigarettes inside the church. I was so amazed that i didn't know when the bottle of beer i was holding fell on the floor.

06 Jan, 2010

2009 a year to remember

One of the things that i wont forget about 2009 is when michael jackson died. michael was a very wonderful and humble person and it s DAMN shame that he died. all michael jackson wanted to was bring peace to world that was his dream. for i love michael jackson dearly.RIP FRIEND I WILL SEE U AGAIN SHALOM

12 Nov, 2009

you've got a friend

When you're down and trubled And you need some love and care And nothin', no nothin' is goin' right Just close your eyes and think of me And soon I'll be there to brighten up Yeah, even your darkest night You just call out my name And you know, wherever I am I'll come a-runnin' To see you again Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call And I'll be there, yeah I will You've got a freind When the sky above you Grows dark and full of clouds And that old north wind He begins to blow Here's what you do baby Keep your head together And call my name out loud And soon you'll hear me Knockin' at your door Oh yes I will, yes I will You just call out my name And you know, wherever I am I'll come a-runnin' To see you again Ain't it good to know That you've got a freind People can be so cold They'll hurt you and desert you And take your soul if you let them Oh, don't let them Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call And I'll be there, yes I will You've got a freind, yes you do You've got a freind, yes you do Right till the end, for you Ain't it good to know

04 Sep, 2009

BAD HABIT

Ohh ohh Wahhh Ohh ooh wah Lady Lady Lady Make me queasy Don’t speak no sound I want you to prove it to me in the nude Addicted to the way you move Honey if anything ever should change in you Don’t worry I’m standing still I’m movin’ with the right aware This is the highest cost Take you and make you off Lift you and leave you lost Will you forgive me? Asked out all over town Drags you and keeps you down Two times in a day around Will you forgive me? I can’t control the feeling Girl cause I know you’re here I feel you from the floor to the ceilin’ Girl, I feel you when you comb your hair Lady, when we lock it low, ahh ahh We get together it’s an overdose I’m slippin’ I’m here I’m on my knees I feel my heart’s about to explode Baby to tell the truth When I’m so, I jones for you When its over, I’m overdue Girl there’s no one as bad as no one as bad as you (you got me, you got me) You got me slipping around With it, around with it (oh why) You got me sick with this stuff baby I’m so I’m so in love, I can’t come down You’re my bad habit baby You’re my, you’re taking my soul Down to the level Can’t escape the way you’ve got me locked up baby I gotta break from you, break from you Break from you

06 Aug, 2009

OH GIRL

It started off we were two peas in a pod motivated by love with the blessings of god we were head over heels in this love thing funny ain't it thinking back our friends thought it was just a fling i used to call you on the phone late nite tip mackin to u in ya ear coversation well equipt i used to make you laugh i used to make you smile but all the while your roomates were in denial we felt a lot of jealousy from the very start your so called friends kept tryin to tear us apart they used to tell you all kind of lies just like a wolf in sheeps clothing the devil came in disguise they transformed all your smiles into tears and sabotaged your happiness and blamed it on my busy career i gave you everything aiming to please but i guess it wasn't enough cuz now your ready to leave but don't go baby lil momma been down with me for a while when you tryin to smile im the one you like to dial but lately ive been on a mission for comission so why you at home wishing you was with me ive been missing but listen im trying to lace you up with diamonds that glisten i got a vision so baby you need to kill all that fiction don't listen to what your friends saying they just jealous cuz they on the sidelines watching while you in the game playing im just saying you should be stayin but i ain't trippin im in love with my money baby thats how im living you know i got you on my mind like an egde up but all your nagging me and whining is got me fed up im on the grind hustlin stackin my cash but you just think im in the streets chasing after some a** im trying to break the bread im trying to get that cake but you complainin talking bout you finna skate baby what it do im tryin tell u about ur friends hatin while they be over there complainin im just on my grind paper chasin u got them insecure thoughts in ur mind but instead of chasin h**s i be overtime on my grind u steady listenin to the gossip in the beautyshop but all them jealous single fe

06 Aug, 2009

ONE MORE CHANCE AT LOVE

This time gonna do my best to make it right Can't go on without you by my side Hold on Shelter come and rescue me out of this storm And out of this cold I need someone Oh why oh why why why If you see her tell her this from me All I need is One more chance at love One more chance at love (One more) One more chance at love One more chance at love (See) (One more) One more chance at love One more chance at love (One more) One more chance at love (Alright) One more chance at love Searching for that one who is going to make me whole Help me make these mysteries unfold Hold on Lightning about to strike in rain only on me Hurt so bad sometimes it's hard to breathe Oh why why If you see her Tell her this from me All I need is One more chance at love One more chance at love (One more) One more chance at love One more chance at love (One more chance for love) One more chance at love One more chance at love (One more) One more chance at love One more chance at love And I would walk around this world to find her And I don't care what it takes no Why I'd sail the seven seas to be near her And if you happen to see her See tell her this from me One more chance at love (Yeah, Yeah) One more chance at love (Tell her this from me) One more chance at love (Yeah, Yeah) One more chance at love One more chance at love One more chance at love (Lovin' you) One more chance at love (I can't find) One more chance at love (Lovin' you) One more chance at love (Yeah one more) One more chance at love One more chance at love (For love) One more chance at love One more chance at love (Yeah I can't stop) One more chance at love One more chance at love (Lovin' you) One more chance at love One more chance at love (I can't stop) One more chance at love (Lovin' you) (Aaow) One more chance at love (I can't stop) One more chance at love

03 Aug, 2009

nothing last forever

It is so easy to see Dysfunction between you and me We must free up these tired souls Before the sadness kills us both I tried and tried to let you know I love you but I'm letting go It may not last but I don't know Just don't know If you don't know Then you can't care And you show up But you're not there But I'm waiting And you want to Still afraid that I will desert you Everyday With every worthless word we get more far away The distance between us makes it so hard to stay But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe It hurts but it may be the only way A bed that's warm with memories Can heal us temporarily The misbehaving only makes The ditch between us so damn deep Built a wall around my heart I’ll never let it fall apart But strangely I wish secretly It would fall down while I'm asleep If you don't know Then you can't care And you show up But you're not there But I'm waiting And you want to Still afraid that I will desert you, babe Everyday With every worthless word we get more far away The distance between us makes it so hard to stay But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe It hurts but it may be the only way Tough we have not hit the ground It doesn't mean we're not still falling, Oh I want so bad to pick you up But you're still too reluctant to accept my help What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame But until then the fact remains Everyday With every worthless word we get more far away The distance between us makes you so hard to stay Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe It hurts but it may be the only way Everyday With every worthless word we get more far away The distance between us makes it so hard to stay But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe It hurts but it may be the only way

03 Aug, 2009

i stay in love

Oh, baby Baby I stay in love with you Dying inside cause I can't stand it Make or break up Can't take this madness We don't even Really know why All I know is baby I try and try so hard To keep our love alive If you dont' know me At this point Then I highly Doubt you ever will I really need you To give me That unconditional love I used to feel It's no mistaking We're just erasing From our hearts And minds And I know we said let go But I kept on hanging on Inside I know it's over You're really gone It's killing me Cause there ain't nothing That I can do Baby I stay in love with you And I keep on Telling myself That you'll come Back around And I try to front Like "oh well" Each time you let me down See I can't get over you now No matter what I do But baby, baby I stay in love with you Na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na Baby I stay in love with you It cuts so deep It hurts down to my soul My friends tell me I ain't the same no more We still need each other When we stumble and fall How we gon' act Like what we had Ain't nothin' at all now Hey What I wanna do is Ride shotg** next to you With the top down Like we used to Hit the block Proud in the SUV We both know Our heart is breaking Can we learn From our mistakes I can't last One moment alone Now go I know We said let go But I kept on hanging on Inside I know it's over You're really gone It's killing me Cause there ain't nothing That I can do Baby I stay in love with you And I keep on Telling myself That you'll come Back around And I try to front Like "oh well" Each time you let me down See I can't get over you Now no matter what I do Baby, baby I stay in love with you We said let go But I kept on hanging on Inside I know it's over You're really gone It's killing me Cause there ain't nothing That I can do Baby I stay in love with yo

30 Jul, 2009

life

“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up.

29 Jul, 2009

how did i fall in love with u?

Remember when, we never needed each other The best of friends like Sister and Brother We understood, we'd never be, Alone Those days are gone, and I want you so much The night is long and I need your touch Don't know what to say I never meant to feel this way Don't want to be Alone tonight What can I do, to make you mine Falling so hard so fast this time What did I say, what did you do? How did I fall in love with you? I hear your voice And I start to tremble Brings back the child that, I resemble I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends Don't want to be, Alone tonight What can I do, to make you mine Falling so hard so fast this time What did I say, what did you do? How did I fall in love with you? Oh I want to say this right And it has to be tonight Just need you to know, oh yeah I don't want to live this life I don't want to say goodbye With you I wanna spend The rest of my life What can I do, to make you mine Falling so hard so fast this time What did I say, what did you do? How did I fall in love with you? What can I do, to make you mine Falling so hard so fast this time Everything's changed, we never knew How did I fall, in love , with you?

29 Jul, 2009

to dat special gurl jessica byrd

To Dat Special Gurl Kiss on the Lips= I love you Kiss on the ear= You are special Kiss on the nose= Laughter Kiss on the cheek= Friendship Kiss on the forehead= I comfort you Kiss on the shoulder= You are wonderful Kiss anywhere else= Be careful Play around with hair= Can't live without you Holding hands= Happiness Arms around waist= You are mine/ i need you A hug= I care Nibble on ear= Start warming up Smiling at each other= I like you Lifting up eyebrows/ wink= flirtation Looking around= hiding true feelings Tender kiss on the side of your lips= you're mine Wetting your lips= waiting for a kiss tear drop= I'm losing you Crying= I lost you

27 Jul, 2009

the king of pop

forever and ever michael jackson will live in my heart

20 Jul, 2009

THE FLY

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about the Dutch firm that has been hired to manage the International Arrivals Building at New York's John F. Kennedy Airport: The tile under the urinals in the Arrivals Building has that familiar lemony tinge; rubber soles stick to it. Over in Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in an operating room. But nobody notices. What everybody does notice is that each urinal has a fly in it. Look harder, and the fly turns into the black outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain. "It improves the aim," says Aad Kieboom. "If a man sees a fly, he aims at it." Mr. Kieboom, an economist, directs Schiphol's own building expansion. His staff conducted fly-in-urinal trials and found that etchings reduce spillage by 80%. The Dutch will transfer the technology to New York. "We will put flies in the urinals yes," Jan Jansen says in a back office at the Arrivals Building. He is the new Dutch general manager, the boss as of noon today. "It gives a guy something to think about. That's the perfect example of process control." But a spokesperson for Rudy Guiliani, Mayor of New York, was heard to say, "What do we need with Dutch flies when we have more than enough roaches to p*** on?"

07 Jul, 2009

THE KING

THE KING OF POP MICHAEL JACKSON THE GREATEST ARTIST IN HISTORY

01 Jul, 2009

THE KING

¨°º¤ø„¸ Michael Jackson¸„ø¤º°¨ ¸„ø¤º°¨ The King Of Pop ``°º¤ø„¸

30 Jun, 2009

FOREVER THE KING MICHAEL JACKSON

i wanna thank michael jackson for his music he was the greatest influence in my life since i was a child, i will always remember him, i don't care about what the media is saying about him he is the greatest artist that ever live thank u michael for u r always in my heart u and your family. i love u FOREVER AND EVER THE KING OF POP ROCK SOUL AND R&B R.I.P. MICHAEL JOSEPH JACKSON

11 Jun, 2009

cool

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10 Jun, 2009

good day

today was a gooood day

04 Jun, 2009

cross country with mother

We actually went to San Francisco from Jersey. We pulled out of the driveway -- my mother was jiggling something in her hand. I said, 'What are you doing?' She said, 'I have the tolls ready for the Golden Gate Bridge.

02 Jun, 2009

Go to scotland

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies -- I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking

27 May, 2009

hillbilly

Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says, ''My wife has got to be the dumbest. She's so stupid she went shoppin' today and bought an air-conditioner and we don't even have electricity!" The others laugh. The next hick says, "Ah that ain't nothin'! My wife's dumber - she went shoppin' yesterday and had a washin' machine delivered!" They all laughed and laughed because no one had plumbing. The third hillbilly said, "Well, I reckon my woman has got to be the dumbest. Just this mornin' I was looking though her purse for some chewin' tobacco and I found six rubbers. Hell, she ain't got no d***!"

22 May, 2009

Music is my life

? ? ? ? ? ? ??Ú???? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? •Copy And Paste This If You Would Die Without Music•

19 May, 2009

Pain

“Loving is a feeling that brings both joy and pain to my heart. Joy from being with you, being filled with an emotion so deep and tender that no other feeling can compare. Pain from knowing that I'm so in love, that I'm more vulnerable than I've ever”

12 May, 2009

You can't stop the voodoo

A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local s** shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence. After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store clerk for help. The store clerk recommended the "Voodoo Dick." "How does it work?" asked the businessman. The clerk unwrapped the Voodoo Dick from its ceremonial tiki box and said to it, "Voodoo Dick that door." The vibrator flew out of the box and attacked the door with such vigor that the door split in half. "Fantastic," said the man. "I'll take it!" He instructed his wife on how to use the Voodoo Dick and left on his business trip. Soon, his wife decided to try it out and said the magic words: "Voodoo Dick my p****." The Voodoo Dick flew out of the box and gave her o***** after o*****. But soon it became too much, and she couldn't figure out how to make it stop. So she got into her car and began driving to the hospital, swerving so much that she got pulled over by the police. The policeman asked her why she was driving so recklessly and she explained to him that she had a Voodoo Dick inside her that wouldn't leave her alone. The policeman looked at her skeptically and said, "Voodoo Dick, my a**."

04 May, 2009

BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAW

A bank robber was running from the law. The police were on his tail and he had nowhere to go so he went into a church. A priest started to talk to him and just as he was asking him why he stole the money the robber heard sirens. He shot the priest and moments later then the police shot the robber. Somehow there was a mix up; the robber went to heaven and the priest went to hell. Luckily, they found the mistake and when they were changing places, they both met in the middle. The priest said to him, "I cant wait until I meet the Virgin Mary!" The robber said, "She's not a virgin anymore."

01 May, 2009

women says, man hears

What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now! What a man hears: Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.

29 Apr, 2009

Finer Things in life

Today I found out I am broke... I don't want a lot, I just want a little to afford those finer things in life I see other folks have -- you know, like food.

27 Apr, 2009

The Husband's best friend

A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

23 Apr, 2009

PSYCHOLOGY CLASS

A college psychology class was studing human reaction to s**ual stimulus and of special interest was the frequency of amorous relations. ''How many students here,'' said the professor, ''engage more than once a week?'' Five people raised their hands. ''And how many engage once a week?'' Ten hands went up. ''How many twice a month?'' Eight hands went up. ''Once a month?'' Four hands were raised. ''And how may once a year?'' A little guy in the back waved his hand frantically and giggled hysterically. ''If you engage only once a year,'' said the professor, ''I don't see what you're so overjoyed about.'' Flush with excitement, the little guy said, ''Yeah, but tonight's the night!''

21 Apr, 2009

Ancient Chinese torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

20 Apr, 2009

new baby

An expectant couple were soon to have their first child. Their doctor told them of a new invention to relieve the mother's pain during childbirth. This invention could be attached to the mother and it would transfer the pain she experienced to the baby's father. The couple talked it over and the husband was anxious to help his wife with her delivery. When the blessed time came, they opted to use the new invention. It was strapped to the mother and the dial was set at 1. With the mother's contraction, the husband felt no pain. He asked that the dial be adjusted to 3. With the next contractions, the mother felt less pain and the husband tolerated the experience well. The husband, feeling courageous and noble, asked that the dial be turned to 100%. The nurse did so and the mother completed the entire labor and delivery with no pain. The husband did not feel any pain either, and was certain that women had over-rated their plight in childbirth. A few days later the happy new family returned home from the hospital. They were shocked as they drove into their driveway to see the mailman lying dead on the front porch.

19 Apr, 2009

Valentine gift test

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you'd most like to receive.... 1. Candy 2. Flowers 3. A sweet poem 4. Max 5. Dinner/Dancing 6. Waffle iron 1. CANDY It means that... You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share. OR... You're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything, even true love. 2. FLOWERS It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture. OR... You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die. 3. A SWEET POEM It means that... You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. OR... You're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. 4. SEX It means that... You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your s**uality with another consenting adult and feel that the physical side of love can be meaningful and beautiful. OR... You're a filthy degenerate who is no better than a rutting animal living solely for one carnal experience after another. 5. DINNER/DANCING It means that... You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight. OR... You're easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor. 6. WAFFLE IRON It means that... You're a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use. OR... You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant fetish involving kitchen appliances.

18 Apr, 2009

Walking on the beach

If you're ever walking down the beach and you see a girl dressed in a bikini made out of seashells, and you pick her up and hold her to your ear, you can hear her scream.

17 Apr, 2009

DESIRE

A desire to be observed, considered, esteemed, praised, beloved, and admired by his fellows is one of the earliest as well as the keenest dispositions discovered in the heart of man.

15 Apr, 2009

Big-busted/small-busted women

Big Busted Women -can get a taxi on the worst days -have a neat place to carry spare change -have always been the center of the arts (art) -make jogging a spectator sport -can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub -have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) -usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie -can always carry a little extra -always float better -know where to look first for lost earrings -rarely lack for a slow dance partner -have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner Small Busted Women -don't cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public -always look younger -find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap -can always see their toes and shoes -can sleep on their stomachs -have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars -know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts -know that everything more than a handful is wasted -can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle -can take an aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out

14 Apr, 2009

Music is my life

?Put ?This ?On ?Your ?Page ?If ?You'd ?Die ?Without ?Music

14 Apr, 2009

YOUNG COUPLE

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. ''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.'' ''That must have hurt,'' said the judge. ''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''

13 Apr, 2009

Three nuns die and go to heaven

Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Pete says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want". The first nun says "I want to be Bo Derek," and POOF she's gone. The second says "I want to be Madonna," and POOF she's gone. The third says "I want to be Virginia Pepalini.". St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Virginia Pepalini" replies the nun. St Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell. The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says the Virginia Pipeline was laid by 500 men

13 Apr, 2009

making love in a car wash

I was reading this article the other day, and it said, 'The perfect way to spice up your love life is to make love in a car wash.' Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not. It's also the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser.

12 Apr, 2009

LADY OF MY LIFE

The Lady of my Life jessica byrd

12 Apr, 2009

LOVE

i fell like love the gurl of my dreams has come into my life, i fell like HEAVEN

10 Apr, 2009

MICHAEL JACKSON

SHOUT OUT TO MICHAEL JACKSON HE WILL BE HAVING A CONCERT IN LONDON THIS SUMMER JULY 9TH, I WILL BE GOING TO LONDON TO SEE HIM LIVE

10 Apr, 2009

DRASTIC DIET

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. ''Guaranteed my a**,'' he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day/ 10 pound weight loss program. The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of NIKE running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, ''If you can catch me you can have me!'' Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, ''I like the way this company does business.'' The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised. So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, s**y woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but REEBOK running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, ''If you can catch me, you can have me.'' He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised! He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/ 50 pound loss program. ''Are you sure,'' asks the representative on the phone, ''this is our most rigorous program...'' '

09 Apr, 2009

BILLY LIMERICK

Buffalo Billy had a 10-foot willy, He showed it to the girl next door. She thought it was a snake, So she whacked it with a rake, And now it's only five-foot-four.

09 Apr, 2009

Paralyzed

This feels like another dream Trapped underneath my own routines I tried to lift it off of me I give up, I give up I just sit and bleed I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed Stuck in the middle And I'm paralyzed Arms and legs in between Caught inside a stupid dream Look for her, but cannot see I give up, I give up There's no time to believe I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed Stuck in the middle And I'm paralyzed I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed The only way to cope Is to realize This feels like another dream Everyone grabbed ahold of me Pulled from every side of me I give up, I give up There's nothing left of me Arms and legs inbetween Caught inside a stupid dream Look for her, but cannot see I give up, I give up There's no time to believe I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed Stuck in the middle And I'm paralyzed I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed The only way to cope Is to realize I'm paralyzed... I'm paralyzed... I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed Stuck in the middle And I'm paralyzed I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed The only way to cope Is to realize I'm paralyzed Stuck in the middle and I'm paralyzed I'm paralyzed The only way to cope is to realize

09 Apr, 2009

Roundabout aids test

The AIDS test is very scary to get. It doesn't matter what you've been doing, waiting for the results is frightening. So I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore, I get the roundabout AIDS test. I call my friend Brian, and I say, 'Hey Brian, do you know anyone who has AIDS? No? Cool, 'cause you know me.'

09 Apr, 2009

My cousin's coming out

I couldn't believe he came out of the closet at the reunion. 'Cause that's not coming out of the closet anymore, that's coming out of the apartment.

08 Apr, 2009

NOT THE SAME FOR LADIES

That's proof right there that men and women are on different levels because men can watch two women together and that's a turn-on. It doesn't work the same way for us, does it, ladies? No, uh-uh -- it doesn't work the same. You ask any woman in here her s**ual fantasy, and I will bet you a million dollars that it's NOT to go home and catch your man bent over with some big, burly guy standing behind him.

08 Apr, 2009

WHEN I COME OF AGE

Where have I been? What should i be looking for? What am I gonna be when I come of age? Will I be strong? Will I de a mighty man Climb mountains if I can When I come of age? Hey y'all I think I'll be a movie star Or travel to some distant star Yeah that's it I'm gonna be an astronaut And rock it to the moon And then I'll be the captain of a giant ship I'm gonna take a long, long trip to far off land When I become a man And what about love? Will you still be in love with me? I sure hope you will be When I come of age And will you be true? Will you still want to marry me? I guess I'll have to wait and see When I come of age My folks say I'm too young for love But they don't seem to understand That what I feel is love for somebody A feeling I understand And while I've fot this feeling It's you, girl, you're so grand And I'll love you girl just as strong When I come of age Wait, be patient honey You've got to believe in me Wait, wait for me baby It'll be just you and me We'll do all the things We couldn't do before When when I come of age We're gonna be so happy When, when I come of age

07 Apr, 2009

life

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

07 Apr, 2009

introduce yourself

Everybody turn to the person next to you and introduce yourself. Say 'Hello, my name is so-and-so' -- unless that's not your name -- and then pay them a compliment. Say something nice like, 'I like your sweater.' And then turn to them and say, 'I want you inside me

07 Apr, 2009

cigarette after sex

Sometimes you need a cigarette, though, right? Like after s** -- you want a cigarette after you have s** with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.

07 Apr, 2009

SAY U WILL

Why would she make calls out the blue, Now i'm awake sleepless isn´t new Hey hey hey hey don't say you will unless you will Hey hey hey hey don't say you will and play you will I pray you will Misses so fly crash lands in my room Can't waste no time she might leave soon Hey hey hey hey don't say you will do do Hey hey hey hey don't say you will one day you will I pray you will When i grab your neck i touch your soul Take off your cool then lose control Hey hey hey hey don't say you will you will you will Hey hey hey hey don't say you will if you will i pray you will I wish this song would really come true I admit I still fantasize about you Hey hey hey hey don't say you will you will you will Hey hey hey hey please say you will for real I pray you will

07 Apr, 2009

Walks into a bar.......... string stlye

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

06 Apr, 2009

things yoda says before, during, and after sex

"Ahhh! It's Yoda's little friend you seek!" "Nerrrm. Put a shield on my sabre, I must." "Feel the force!" "Foreplay, cuddling: a Jedi craves not these things." "Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I will!" "Early must I rise. Leave now, you shall!" "Happens to every guy sometimes, this does." "When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmmm?" "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear, you are!" "Who's the Jedi Master? Who's the Jedi Master!?!"

06 Apr, 2009

statues of liberation

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I herby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life, smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure; but this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll s*** on its head."

06 Apr, 2009

river deep

One day two kids were wandering around near a stream. One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream. The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend. When he got to the bush were his friend was he saw a naked woman and ran away. The boy that was here for a long time got curios and ran after him and asked, "Why did you run away." The other boy said, "My mom said that if I were to ever see a naked woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran."

06 Apr, 2009

The Dentist

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at 4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up and Charley says, “Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late.” Paul replies, “Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My d***'s been hurting bad.” Charley says, “If your d***'s been hurting, why did you go to the dentist?” Paul answers, “Because I had a tooth stuck in it.”

05 Apr, 2009

The paperboy

A 13 year-old old paperboy knocks on the door of one of his customers. A beautiful 20 year-old woman answers the door in nothing but a transparent nightie and asks him what she can do to help him. He tells her that she owes him for four weeks' bill and that he needs the money. She wanted to know how much she owes him and he figures that, at four dollars a week for four weeks, she owes him 16 dollars. She told him that she doesn't have the 16 bucks but she will take him to bed and promise to make his teeth sweat. The kid figures, ‘what the hell’ and follows her into the house. They go into the bedroom where she gets naked and lies on the bed, touching herself provocatively. He drops his paperbag from his shoulder and pulls his pants down, revealing an 11-inch member! He reaches into the bag and pulls out styrofoam spacers and starts to slide them over his p**** to make it shorter. The girl says to him “Oh, don't worry boy, I can take all of that!” He looks up at her out of one eye and says ''Not for 16 dollars!”

03 Apr, 2009

Vaseline knob

A local reporter was interviewing locals about the various uses of vaseline. He knocked on a door, and a man answered in his bathrobe. "Sir, could you tell me what you use vaseline for?" "Hmm...well, dry lips, dry skin, and, of course, s**." "Max?" "Well, me and the missus put a little vaseline on the doorknob..." "Yeah?" "And it keeps the kids out."

02 Apr, 2009

BILL GATES HARD DRIVE

Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the world-wide rights to Viagra? He's renaming it MICROHARD.

02 Apr, 2009

CONDOM BRANDS

Nike Condoms: Just do it. Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker. Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple. California Lotto Condoms: Who's next? McDonalds Condom: One Billion Served. Energizer Condom: It keeps going and going and going... Bandai Condoms: Action Satisfaction.

02 Apr, 2009

Slippery Doorknob

A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, she answered, ''Yes, we use it when we have s**ual intercourse.'' The interviewer was amazed. He said, ''I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose. But I know that most people really use it for s**ual intercourse, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?'' ''We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out.''

02 Apr, 2009

u know you're old

You know you're old when you refer to your waterbed as the dead sea.

01 Apr, 2009

im about to blow up

Some days I just wanna up and call it quits, I feel like I'm surrounded by a wall of bricks, Everytime I go to get up I just fall in p***, My life's like one great big ball of s***, If I could just put it all in all I spit, Instead I always try to swallow it, Instead of staring at this wall and s***, While I sit writers block sick of all this s***, Can't call it s***. All I know is I'm about to hit the wall, If I have to see another one of mom's alcoholic fits. This is it, last straw, thats all, thats it. I ain't dealing with another f***ing politic. I'm like a skillet, bubblin' until it filters up I'm about to kill it, I can feel it building up, Blow this building up, I've been sealed enough, My cup runneth over and filled it up, The pen explodes and busts, ink spills my guts You think all I do is stand here and feel my nuts, But I'm a show you what, you gonna feel my rush, You don't feel it then it must be too real to touch, Feel to touch, I'm about to tear s*** up, Goosebumps, yeah I'm make your hair sit up, Yeah sit up, I'm a tell you who I be, I'm make you hate me cause you ain't me

01 Apr, 2009

ANGER

Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge

01 Apr, 2009

five minutes to midnight

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there. So he walks up to the car, and there's a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book. The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book and I'm 20." Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how oldshe is. The boy replies, "She's knitting and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."

01 Apr, 2009

The dirty Wife

A wife decides that she needs to spice up her and her husband's s** life. So, she goes to the adult novelty store and came back with some crotchless panties. She goes home, puts them on and waits for her husband to come home. When he does, she lifts up her dress and shows him her new panties, asking, "You want some of this?" "Hell no," says the husband, "look what it did to your underwear!"

01 Apr, 2009

sex and air

Max is like air. It's not important unless you're not getting any

31 Mar, 2009

A housewife

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?! The housewife replies: "Four!". The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.! The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

31 Mar, 2009

......

????????*no heart beat* ? ? ?---^v^------ ?~repost this~ ? ?~if you would give~ ????????~your life for the love of your life~

31 Mar, 2009

im in love

♥_♥____♥_♥ Put this ♥___♥_♥__ ♥ heart _♥___♥___♥_ on your __♥ _____♥__ page if ___♥___ ♥___ you love ____♥_♥____ someone _____♥_____ very much

31 Mar, 2009

The Fly

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about the Dutch firm that has been hired to manage the International Arrivals Building at New York's John F. Kennedy Airport: The tile under the urinals in the Arrivals Building has that familiar lemony tinge; rubber soles stick to it. Over in Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in an operating room. But nobody notices. What everybody does notice is that each urinal has a fly in it. Look harder, and the fly turns into the black outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain. "It improves the aim," says Aad Kieboom. "If a man sees a fly, he aims at it." Mr. Kieboom, an economist, directs Schiphol's own building expansion. His staff conducted fly-in-urinal trials and found that etchings reduce spillage by 80%. The Dutch will transfer the technology to New York. "We will put flies in the urinals yes," Jan Jansen says in a back office at the Arrivals Building. He is the new Dutch general manager, the boss as of noon today. "It gives a guy something to think about. That's the perfect example of process control." But a spokesperson for Rudy Guiliani, Mayor of New York, was heard to say, "What do we need with Dutch flies when we have more than enough roaches to p*** on?"

31 Mar, 2009

HAPPINESS

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

30 Mar, 2009

Pierre the fighter pilot

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre the fighter pilot and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" He grabs a bottle of merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" asks the startled Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles, and they start kissing. Things began to heat up. Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." He tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre, what are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms up and screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Pierre stands up defiantly and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

30 Mar, 2009

How can i ever thank you???

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. "My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."

30 Mar, 2009

to all my friends

i'll be right back

30 Mar, 2009

good & bad

"Chemistry is good when you make LOVE with it.. and chemistry is bad when you make CRACK with it."

30 Mar, 2009

MY LIFE

I was born a suspect. I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses tighter, hold onto their mace, lock their car doors. If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass, I can see old ladies on the phone. They've already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to do something wrong. You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are namedBush, Dick, andColon. Need I say more? Ever see a list of the richest black people in the country? Oprah's on there. Cosby. Michael Jordon. Magic Johnson. Tiger Woods. Movie stars. But you can't get past number eight without running across a brother who just hit the Lotto jackpot last week. Bush lied to me. They all lied to me. "We gotta go to Iraq because they're the most dangerous country on Earth, they're the most dangerous regime in the world." If they so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole f***ing country? S**t. Man, you couldn't take over Baltimore in two weeks. My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons. My mother was real cheap. Okay, practical. She would never pay a bill on time. "If they ain't cutting it off, I ain't paying." She would say, "The first bill is a suggestion. If they really want you to pay it, then they'll come and tap on your window." Her whole philosphy of life was: if you die owing money, then you've won.

30 Mar, 2009

did u hear hear about microsoft's new hard drive?????

Did you hear about Microsoft's new hard drive? It has five millisecond access, fits in a PC-Card slot, and has UNLIMITED space. Unfortunately, they haven't finished formatting it yet.

30 Mar, 2009

a guy walks into a bar and order 3 shots of jack daniels and slams them down in a flash

A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of Jack Daniels and slams them all down in a flash. He looks at the bartender and orders 3 more and does the same thing. By now the bartender is wondering what is wrong with this guy so he asks him what his problem is. The guy looks up and says " I don't have a problem, I'm celebrating my first blow job!" The bartender looks with a smile and says," well that's just dandy, let me get the next one!" "No thanks", says the guy, "if 6 shots won't wash the taste out, the 7th won't help either!!!"

29 Mar, 2009

crack

I'm not smoking crack. I'm definitely stressed out.”

29 Mar, 2009

Toilet paper

Toilet Paper A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s*** them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

29 Mar, 2009

how to impress a woman & a man

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.... HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked, Bring beer....

29 Mar, 2009

piss drunk

One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye." The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty. Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers. He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could p*** into it and not spill a drop." The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbily climbs atop the bar, zips down his fly and promptly p***es all over the bar. He zips up, sits down, slaps the $100 on the bar and laughs uproarously. "What's so funny?" says the barkeep. "You just lost everything you won and more!" Well," giggles the man, "I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could p*** all over your bar and you wouldn't get angry."

29 Mar, 2009

the wrinkled nightgown

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown. Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"

28 Mar, 2009

phone lines

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."

28 Mar, 2009

what do women and tiles have in common?

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them forever!

27 Mar, 2009

DRUNK AT THE DOOR

A husband and wife are in bed when there is a knock at the door. The husband rolls over and looks at his clock -- it's 3:30 a.m. He drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. When he opens the door, there is a drunk slumped there. "Hi ya," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?" "Get lost," says the man. "It's half-past three." He slams the door and goes back up to bed. He tells his wife about the drunk. She says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain and you had to knock on that man's door? What would've happened if he'd told us to get lost?" So, the husband gets back out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and calls out, "Hey, do you still want a push?" A voice answers, "Yes, please." "Where are you?" calls the man. The stranger replies, "I'm over here -- on your swing set

27 Mar, 2009

a little boy ask his father

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying

26 Mar, 2009

neighborly competition

Two neighbors, John and Sam, are always competing. One day John looks over the fence and spies Sam's wife, naked, watering the garden. When Sam gets home from work, John brags to him that he's seen his wife naked. Sam wants revenge, so that night creeps over to John's yard and catches sight of John's wife performing oral s**. The next day, Sam approaches John at the mailbox. "Hey, I saw your wife performing oral s** on you last night." "Ha ha, the joke's on you," John says, "I wasn't home last night!"

26 Mar, 2009

emotion party

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in. A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in. Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his p**** stuck in it, and the other guy has his p**** in a hollowed-out pear. "Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!" The first guy says, "Yeah, and I'm f**king dis-custard." The second guy says, "And I'm deep in dis-pear

26 Mar, 2009

heaven

i fell like heaven

25 Mar, 2009

LABOR PAIN MACHINE

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch

25 Mar, 2009

i love music

???? ???? ?(o) [Ipod ? ???? Copy And Paste If You Love Music

25 Mar, 2009

layoffs are tough

Layoffs are Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed. Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off. So, he sits in his office and watches them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off." Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache."

25 Mar, 2009

to all my friends

Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

25 Mar, 2009

a young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

25 Mar, 2009

off to vegas

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man. 'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free! 'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

25 Mar, 2009

In special Education

They put me in special ed because they thought i was slow, but i stayed in special ed 4 the ladies

24 Mar, 2009

little johnny

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your g**, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s***ing her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s***ing the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

24 Mar, 2009

15 signs you drink too much

You spent sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile. 14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles. 13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday. 12 - Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli. 11 - For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal. 10 - Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes. 9 - For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the automobile. 8 - You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam. 7 - Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer. 6 - Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle. 5 - Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's Vomit Man!" 4 - The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants. 3 - Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions. 2 - Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat. 1 - You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal

24 Mar, 2009

love

im in love

24 Mar, 2009

SWEETEST LOVE BY MY ROBIN THICKE

Why do people smile when no ones smiling? Its coz their thinking of someone theyre loving Keep on believing we are meant to be and Nothings stopping you and me from going to heaven. Sweetest love I got the sweetest love there aint nothing sweeter I got the sweetest love aint nothing beating it There aint nothing sweeter Now our clever(?) is about to inch just one ladder It gets better every second were together Oooh baby it feels so right A new beginning starts tonight The reason for when its on Is because of you and me and Sweetest love Finally I cant believe Coz you and me, youre my sweetest love I got the sweetest love there aint nothing sweeter I got the sweetest love aint nothing beating it There aint nothing sweeter Come on now, I got the sweetest love there aint nothing sweeter I got the sweetest love cant nothing beating it There aint nothing sweeter oh yeah Now I got that feeling in my gut Now I need your fire in my life Now I wanna give you love so much And I keep on feeling my sweet, my sweet Sweetest love I cant believe that you and me, we gotta be Youre my sweetest love I got the sweetest love there aint nothing sweeter I got the sweetest love cant nothing beat it There aint nothing sweeter Come on now, I got the sweeter love there aint nothing sweeter I got the sweetest love cant nothing beat it There aint nothing sweeter ooohh I got the sweetest love there aint nothing sweeter I got the sweetest love cant nothing beat it There aint nothing sweeter (2x) Sweetest love I cant believe, you and me, we gotta be Oh my sweetest love

23 Mar, 2009

0 to 200 in 8 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p***ed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

23 Mar, 2009

sam and beck are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three? Well, when were they?" he asked. "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?" "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?"

23 Mar, 2009

so much fun

A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities. A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee. "I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband. "What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!" "I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.

23 Mar, 2009

making love to..........

How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline stewardess? A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right. A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit. And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.

23 Mar, 2009

girls night out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her b*** that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

22 Mar, 2009

birds and bees

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have s**.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his p**** in the mommy’s v*****. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s p**** in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

22 Mar, 2009

a wife's special birthday present

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, John! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says John. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, and says “Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” John’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, John.”

22 Mar, 2009

so this cop was writing a parking ticket

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’ He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner. What'd You Think?

22 Mar, 2009

officer pulls over a wiseguy

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

22 Mar, 2009

honey, i found your golf ball

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cow’s b***.” “That’s when I made my big mistake.” “What did you do?” asks the doctor. “Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks like yours!” “I don’t remember much after that!”

22 Mar, 2009

cigarette condoms

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, red head had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools. It began to pour down raining, so the red head and brunette both pull out a condom and put it on their cigs. The blonde says “what are you doing?” - and they say “we’re saving it for later!” Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says “What size? small, medium, or large?” She said “I dont know… one to fit a camel?”

22 Mar, 2009

obsessive compulsive disorder

I actually had anxiety for so long i went to a psychiatrist, and i said to the guy, "im constantly anxious, What do i do? he told me i had obsessive compulsive disorder. I was shocked. I had to call him nine times to make sure he was certain

21 Mar, 2009

QUITTING MARIJUANA

The whole first week, i though i was psychic, i thought i had new powers, all of the sudden, you know. i'd be like, where are my keys? oh, they're in my pocket. How did i know that? oh my gosh

21 Mar, 2009

SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR HIS BIRTHDAY

It was Jim’s birthday, and he was considered to be an “old man” by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim’s friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said “Hi I’m your birthday present!” Startled, he asked “What am I supposed to do with you?” “I’m yours for super s**,” she answers. So Jim replied “Well, I’m 75 years old so I’ll have the soup

21 Mar, 2009

RICHARD PRYOR JOKES

I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking in my car driving 90. How do you "accidentally" shoot a ni**er in the chest six times? "Well, my g** fell and just went crazy!" I'm not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells. When that fire hit your a**, it will sober your a** upquick! I saw something, I went, "Well, that's a pretty blue. You know what? That looks likefire!" Fire is inspirational. They should use it in the Olympics, because I ran the 100 in 4.3. I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes — though I'm gonna be on for an hour. I couldn't stop. I put the pipe down. It jumped back in my hand. I went to penitentiary one time, not me personally, but me and Gene went there for a movie.Arizona State Penitentiary, population 90 percent black people. But there are no black people in Arizona. They have to bus motherf***ers in! When I was in Africa, this voice came to me and said, "Richard, what do you see?" I said, "I see all types of people." The voice said, "But do you see any ni**ers?" I said, "No." It said, "Do you know why? 'Cause there aren't any." There are only two pieces of pu**y you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last. F***in' is good for you, Jack. Gettin' some pu**y beats having a war. Freebase? What's free about it?! Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers. I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. I went to the White House, met the president. We in trouble.

21 Mar, 2009

FUNNY DOCTOR JOKE

John, two days before his scheduled visit to the proctologist, accidentally swallowed his glass eye when he was cleaning it. He was worried at first, but after calling his doctor and learning he probably won’t get sick, he ordered another and soon forgot about it. He arrived for his annual proctology exam on time, and was soon called into the doctor’s examining room. After undressing, John follows his instructions and bends over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he took a peek up the man’s b*** was his glass eye staring right back at him! “You know John,” said the doctor, “you’re really going to have to learn to trust me.”

20 Mar, 2009

WHAT WOULD U DO????????

A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. He’s riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house, when he explains his situation to the taxi driver. It’s after midnight. While in route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees. They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed - and there his wife lays in bed with another man! Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a g** and puts it to the naked man’s head. Just then, his wife yells “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!…” HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains. HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets. HE paid for our our lakehouse and boat. HE paid for your country club membership, and and HE even pays the monthly dues!’ Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks “What should I do?” The taxi driver replies, “I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.” What'd You Think?

20 Mar, 2009

THIS IS A JOKE CALLED LIFE'S TOUGH WHEN YOU'RE STUPID

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table. The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.” For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s b***, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just stand there, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says. Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the a*** cavity of the dead cow, and then s***ing on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s b***, and I s***ed on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.” The moral: Life’s tough, but it’s even tougher when you’re stupid.

20 Mar, 2009

bill gates

if bill gates woke up tomorrow with oprah money, he would jump out the f***ing window

20 Mar, 2009

a random thought

I think it's absolutely amazing, to think he (santa claus) can fly around to a million houses in one night, breaking and entering, scaring little children while they're slepping, steal all the food, eat the littel kids cookies and stuff like that, i mean it's a phenomenal occurance, and i get jacked out of my mind just thinking about all those laws being broken

20 Mar, 2009

LOVE

Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”

20 Mar, 2009

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

19 Mar, 2009

YOU

You give me hope, The strength, the will to keep on; No one else can make me feel this way And only you Can bring out all the best I can do; I believe you turn the tide And make me feel real good inside. You pushed me up When I'm about to give up; You're on my side when no one seems to listen And if you go, You know the tears can't help but show You'll break this heart and tear it apart; Then suddenly the madness starts It's your smile, Your face, your lips that I miss, Those sweet little eyes that stare at me And make me say, I'm with you through all the way. 'Cause it's you Who fills the emptiness in me; It changes ev'rything, you see, When I know I've got you with me You pushed me up When I'm about to give up; You're on my side when no one seems to listen And if you go, You know the tears can't help but show You'll break this heart and tear it apart; Then suddenly the madness starts It's your smile, Your face, your lips that I miss, Those sweet little eyes that stare at me And make me say, I'm with you through all the way. 'Cause it's you Who fills the emptiness in me; It changes ev'rything, you see, When I know I've got you with me. It's your smile, Your face, your lips that I miss, Those sweet little eyes that stare at me And make me say, I'm with you through all the way. 'Cause it's you Who fills the emptiness in me; It changes ev'rything, you see, When I know I've got you with me

19 Mar, 2009

STREET LIFE

Yo picture me rollin like Pac in a drop gold double R Women, champagne, weed, cigars and caviar Livin tha life of a thug, movin em Mugs, duckin em slugs Dealin wit phones tapped wit bugs, plus Associated wit some hard hittas, cold killas Convicts, thugs and drug dealers Cop killas, and drug lords stackin 8 figures Quick to pull a trigga and leave a body floatin in the river We gorillas in this jungle collectin mad skrilla Bankin on cheddar and cream, from dope fiends From a land where everybody gotta fend for themselves Half of the mommies doin 25 to life in a cell Seems like we dwell in the pits of hell wit no bail Chained up, captive and tortured by the enemy's spell Who hears my cries from these lonely jail cell And what do I profit to lose my soul and gain from drug sales Livin the street life Crystal, Mugs and crushed ice Hangin wit plays who plain hiest and roll dice In casinos like Bugsy Siegal We outlaws forever livin illegal Tha street life A yo, the street life is the only life I know taught to hustle these streets and grind to make dough Cope the 4-4, jump in the 6-4 Blast on my adversaries then end up on death row Yo, this was the life I seen raised as a youth Where everybody smokin chronic, sippin 98 proof Aint no happy days and sunshine In my hood is jus crime, cryin for one time Slugs flyin, and everybody tryin to come up in this evil drug game Insane, vision of murder just increase the pain Cocaine and methamphetamine I want out, but gave an oath to the death of me So let it be, Ima ride on my enemy But when they bury me, I fear where my soul will be Eternally searchin for light patna, but I'm in the midst of the dark Its so hard, when you in this ghetto prison lookin for God Another homie dies, so I wipe the tears from my eyes And ask God how many lonely painful tears will I cry Seems like nobody even cares out here in the hood I tried to get a job, but they swear I'm up to no good Misunder

19 Mar, 2009

TRUE FRIENDS

What’s the definition of a true homeboy, one that been down through the thick and the thin. How many real soldiers you got on your team playa? Let’s talk about this thing called friends dog Friends, All my partners and homeboys Playas is down to ride and stuck by my side Friends, Thugs that been down with me Representin me and my clique, the ORC Who can express what a playa feel So much gratitude inside of me for my parters that done kept it real Loyal through the hard times, when didn't nobody care Everyone puttin' me down, but you was still there So many come and go, turn from a friend to foe But trues is with ya when ya seasoned or broke with no doe Rolling a bucket, or dippin' in dropped double R's Poor wit no record deal or signed and a superstar Who can I call on when my backs up against that wall That won't judge me, but love me and hug me when I trip and fall Accept my flaws and mistakes, love me for who I am Stand wit me waving at fans and when I ain't the man Picture me crying at the age of 9 So many homeys dying, locked up in pens, living a life of crime Slugs flying and been a witness to homicide This life taught me love all you homies while they still alive Friends, All my partners and homeboys Playas is down to ride and stuck by my side Friends, Thugs that been down with me Representin me and my clique, the ORC Keep your homies close, cuz in this business friends turn against you Especially when you need ‘em the most, that's when they'll plot against you Then commence to rubbing your name in the dirt Leaving you torn apart with all the pain and the hurt Jealousy and greed twisted with bitterness and envy Make your friend be your most hated enemy Seen it happen so many times before Make you wanna leave the game and not wanna rhyme no more Brotha against brotha and a father hating son Somebody tell me what have we done My back got blood stains and scabs from backstabs Lived life looking for trues that I c

19 Mar, 2009

TELL ME WHY?????????????????????????

Why, why, why, why, why. Why I really wish I could explain it baby (why), It's just the world is kinda crazy baby (why), Ain't no pretty way to paint it baby (why), Don't cry, dry your eyes September 11th, I woke up about 7am, west coast time, French toast and my Turkey bacon, taking my time, awakin', turning my TV on To my surprise, saw what everybody in the world saw Me & my children, images were chillin' My son said, "Daddy were there people in that building?" A cold sweat, frozen with a lump in my chest I heard his question, couldn't bring my lips to say "Yes" to him That night at my son's side, he cried & prayed For the one's who died in the World Trade His palms to God, seeds and qualms with God He just kept on pressin' me, wanna know why Then one week later our bombs were dropped We seein' them on CNN, they just won't stop The infrared images of brutal attack He said, "Daddy now we killin' em back"; (right, right) Mmmmm, souls are captured Dreams are stolen, hearts are broken Evil blatantly rewarded Hate surrenders, Love exalted Hope elated, negativity is shorted eye is to die Why is the bomb always getting the last word & why did her uncle have to molest her & why did all them cops have to be shootin' to kill & why did all them priests have to act so ill Tell me why did James Byrd Jr. have to be touched Tell me why did Malcolm & Martin depart from us Tell me why did that sniper make the little boy shoot & why does human life always denied for loot Tell me why did Mandela have to live in a cage Why did my brother Sterling have to die at that age Tell me why did Reginald Denny deserve his fate & why the f* k can't love seem to defeat hate Tell me why is it so hard for all the children to eat Why did Pac & Biggie Smalls have to fall in the street Tell me why did Jam Master Jay have to go that way Please what am I supposed to say to my kids when they say 'Why?' Can't explain it baby, life is just

18 Mar, 2009

magic

123 Go Your touch is so magic to me The strangest things can happen The way that you react to me I wanna do somethin’ you can’t imagine Imagine if there was a million mess talkin s**y to you like that You think you can handle boy if I give you my squeeze and I need you to push it right back Can you show me, show me What’s your favorite trick that you wanna use on me and I’ll volunteer and I’ll be flowin’ goin to go the distant place that nothing but shoes on me oh babe All night show, it’s just you and the clock to do tricks you never seen And I bet that I could make you believe that love is s**y magic So just let me drive my body around you, I bet you’ll know what I mean Cos’ you know that I could make you believe that my love is s**y magic Everything ain’t what it seems, I wave my hands and I got you You feel so fly a**isting me, but now its my turn to watch you Ain’t gonna stop you if you wanna crowd my neck, talk s**y, do me like that Just do what I taught you boy, when I give you my squeeze and I need you to push it right back Can you show me, show me What’s your favorite trick that you wanna use on me and I’ll volunteer and I’ll be flowin’ goin to go the distant place that nothing but shoes on me oh babe All night show, it’s just you and the clock to do tricks you never seen And I bet that I could make you believe that love is s**y magic So just let me drive my body around you, I bet you’ll know what I mean Cos’ you know that I could make you believe that my love is s**y magic This is the part that we fall in love... Let's slow it down so we fall in love... (But don’t stop what ya doin to me) All night show, it’s just you and the clock to do tricks you never seen And I bet that I could make you believe that love is s**y magic So just let me drive my body around you, I bet you’ll know what I mean Cos’ you know that I could make you believe that my love is s**y magic All night sh

18 Mar, 2009

HAZEL

I Can Remember When I Met You You Had All Of My Homies Talkin Bout You And I Thought Itd Be Cool If I Got At You So We Can Spend A Lil Time I Can Get To Know You, Tell Me Ya Name Im Beginnin To See The More We Hang Together.. Babygirl I Like You Cuz Your Better Than Any Average Chick That I Was Rollin Wit I Knew It Was Love At First Sight I Never Met A Girl Like You Before I Can Count On You Whenever I Need To Take It Slow And You Be Taking Me Up Up And Away We Go Ya Got My Eyes So Low And They Damn Near Closed And Ey Hazel I Like You Can't See Myself Without You, My Sweet Hazel Cuz I Think Im In Love (im In Love) Ey Hazel I Like You Cant See Myself Without You, My Sweet Hazel Girl, I Think Im In Love (im In Love) Multiple Times[?] People Be Tellin Me To Let Ya Go But Tha Bond I Got Witchu Is Stronger Than They Even Know And Just To Prove It To Ya Girl Ya Know I Love Ya So Much I Hit Tha Corner Store For You And Scrape Tha Guts Out A Dutch Its Like Tha Things You Say To Me When Im Feelin Hurt Ya Pick Me Up When I Go Thru It Thats Why I Put You First When Everybody Be Constantly Stressin It Worse[?] You Tha One That I Come Running To To Ease Mah Nerves And I Never Met A Girl Like You Before I Can Count On You Whenever I Need To Take It Slow And You Be Taking Me Up Up And Away We Go Ya Got My Eyes So Low And They Damn Near Closed And Ey Hazel I Like You Can't See Mahself Without You, My Sweet Hazel Cuz I Think Im In Love (im In Love) Ey Hazel I Like You Cant See Mahself Without You, Mah Sweet Hazel Girl, I Think Im In Love (im In Love) Loovee Girl Come Here Lemme Take A Look At Them Purple Highlights In Ya Hair Haha Thats Craazy Ya Know Usually Id Share You Wit Mah Homies But I Think Ima Keep You All To Mahself Ya Dig? Yeah. Ey Hazel I Like You Can't See Mahself Without You, My Sweet Hazel Cu

18 Mar, 2009

can we talk

Last night i I saw you standing I started Started pretending I knew you You knew me too And just like a baby I could not talk I tried to come close but could not walk And now I think of it every night How I just could not get it right Next time you come my way Ill know just what to say Can we talk for a minute Girl I want to know your name Can we talk for a minute Girl I want to know your name I started To write you a letter But I wanted To be more clever I wanted to get down and sweet talk you Hey, baby But just like a roni you were too shy But you werent the only one, so was i Girl if We should come close again I know what Ill say then Oh, girl One more chance With you again I will not let it go Ooh, babe Give me just one more chance For love, love, love, love Can we talk for a minute Come on and talk to me baby Say I wanna know Well, come and tell me your name baby I said talk to me for a minute Come on and talk for a minute I wanna know, I wanna know I wanna know your name

17 Mar, 2009

sexual healing

Ooh, now let's get down tonight Baby I'm hot just like an oven I need some lovin' And baby, I can't hold it much longer It's getting stronger and stronger And when I get that feeling I want Maxual Healing Maxual Healing, oh baby Makes me feel so fine Helps to relieve my mind Maxual Healing baby, is good for me Maxual Healing is something that's good for me Whenever blue tear drops are falling And my emotional stability is leaving me There is something I can do I can get on the telephone and call you up baby, and Honey I know you'll be there to relieve me The love you give to me will free me If you don't know the things you're dealing I can tell you, darling, that it's Maxual Healing Get up, Get up, Get up, Get up, let's make love tonight Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, 'cos you do it right Baby I got sick this morning A sea was storming inside of me Baby I think I'm capsizing The waves are rising and rising And when I get that feeling I want Maxual Healing Maxual Healing is good for me Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us Maxual Healing, baby, is good for me Maxual Healing is something that's good for me And it's good for me and it's good to me My baby ohhh Come take control, just grab a hold Of my body and mind soon we'll be making it Honey, oh we're feeling fine You're my medicine open up and let me in Darling, you're so great I can't wait for you to operate I can't wait for you to operate When I get this feeling, I need Maxual Healing

17 Mar, 2009

Ascension (Don't ever wonder)

Oooo..... It happened the moment When you were revealed 'Cause you were a dream That you should not have been A fantasy real You gave me this beating baby This rhythm inside You made me feel good 'n feel nice 'n feel lovely Gave me paradise So.... Shouldn't I realize You're the highest of the high 'n if you don't know then i'll say it So don't ever wonder Don't Ever Wonder So tell me how long How long it;s gonna take to make you speak baby ' Cause I can't live my life Without you here by my side You gave me the feelin' feelin', in my life so... Shouldn't I realize You're the highest of the high 'n if you don't know then i'll say it So don't ever wonder Don't Ever Wonder

16 Mar, 2009

sunset driver

All alone She's in the ego zone The word is out that you're doin' wrong On the move Got fire in your shoes By word of mouth you are on the news You're livin' in sunset times (Livin' in sunset times) Feelin' bad You're livin' much too fast The truth, the truth that you're on the pass In the raw They don't know what you saw By word of mouth you're breakin' every law Sunset driver Midnight rider Friday's brighter Morning rider You're a Saturday-nighter, aow! On the go Got fever in your soul You better not shout where you gonna go Livin' hot Doin' what you should not The break's on me, then what do you got You're livin' on sunset times (Livin' on sunset times) Want that dime Shoot the breeze You feel that she's a tease Your night is free, what you wanna be Who's to trust When livin' dangerous Tonight's your night, but this is what you loose Sunset driver Midnight rider Friday's brighter Gettin' higher You're a Saturday-nighter, aow! You are there when the night's in town Standin' there with the top of the round They don't care about the things you wished you saw You're like the cinema You think that nothin's wrong Doin' town You do it every time The word's got out that you're on the line On the move Got fever in your shoes The night's on you, what are you gonna do? Sunset driver Midnight rider Friday's brighter Just to reach that driver The Saturday-nighter, aow!

15 Mar, 2009

LOVE NEVER FELT SO GOOD

Baby love never felt so good And I always knew it would Cause when you hold me hold me Baby love never felt so fine And I think about the time Somebody told me They told me When you find the one Who wants your heart Give it up Never stop Don’t look back for more Because baby Every time I see you In and out of my life Something tells me Baby I should try to get you More and more in my life Cause when Im with you Baby love never felt so good Baby love never felt so right Like it does with you tonight Taking it slowly So slowly Oh baby Baby feel the way I do Second nature holding you Why dont you show me show me When you find the one Who wants your heart Let it go Make the show Don’t look back Just go for it Because baby Every time I see you In and out of my life I go crazy Baby I just gotta get you More and more in my life When Im with you Love never felt so good I know one tune One tune baby Girl why dont you let go Dont look back Never stop Dont look back Just go for it Cause baby Every time I see you In and out of my life I go crazy Baby I just gotta get you More and more in my life When Im with you Baby love never felt so good Love never felt so good It never felt so good Love never felt so good It never felt so good Love never felt so good It never felt so good Love never felt so good It never felt so good

15 Mar, 2009

THIS IS A MAN WORLD

This is a man's world This is a man's world But it wouldn't be nothing Nothing without a woman or a girl You see man made the car To take us over the road Man made the train To carry the heavy load Man made the electric light To take as out of the dark Man made the boat for the water Like Noah made the ark This is a man's man's man's world But it wouldn't be nothing Nothing without a woman or a girl Man thinks about the little betty baby girl And the baby boys Man makes them happy Cause man made them toys And after man made everyhing Everything he can You know that man makes money To buy from other men This is a man's world But it wouldn't be nothing Nothing not one little thing Without a woman or a girl He's lost in the wilderness He's lost in bitterness

15 Mar, 2009

IF I

This is for the girls who get tipsy But never get too drunk This is for the girls who dance s**y But never show too much This is for the girls who get tipsy But never get too drunk This is for the girls who dance s**y But never show too ...Stop If I talk s*** to you Would you it talk back to me too...baby? If I wanna dance with you Would you wanna groove with me too...baby? Cos' we can get it on all night long It ain't nothing that caught yu baby Cos' we can get it on all night long It ain't nothing that caught ya baby Arrive on set I'm so fresh Immediately get the other guys upset. So fly that I aint gotta buy no jet That's how I get their minds on s** Make chicks sweat, literally yeah They self so hot, and they're their thighs so wet And I don't taste, no, I dont stress Any girl I want, know I'm g**' get. I can catch juliet, don't need no net. Plenty fish in the sea, baby please know that. And the dude that you with, baby he's no threat. His stacks on d's, my g's on deck. What you want you recieve, What you need you get, Just give me one shot like russian roulette. I must confess, i am obsessed. Just gotta get up under her dress. If I talk s*** to you Would you it talk back to me too...baby? If I wanna dance with you Would you wanna groove with me too...baby? Cos' we can get it on all night long It ain't nothing that caught yu baby Cos' we can get it on all night long It ain't nothing that caught ya baby

14 Mar, 2009

FREESTLYE

I'm on yak she on goosey all my niggaz keep dat tooly I'm in chevy he in duely Me n my niggaz finna make a movie Sick chevy back to back I drink brown dey drink white paint wet engine tight Dis our city we run lites hustle all day stunt at night pistol on lap who gon' jack Pulled up da realist pulled out tha whips time to show who got chips, my dog trippin Left his clip liqour store buy 1 mo fifth hog in da trunk beamin n yo ear.spent a stack on My gear.fuck dem niggaz motion picture rite here.stop this b**** let's make a movie rite here Betta grab a seat n sum pop corn cause me n mii niggaz finna put on sum in tha streets All of em strong couple my niggaz just came home ridin candy sittin on chrome pants Hanging grill showin wild onerre set we on catch me standing on da hood of my car We don't play nothin but my songs dem niggaz ain't real they jus rappin homes b4 It's ova money gettin thrown holdin up traffic are we wrong Oh tha club we gon' shut it down ain't no secret wen I'm n town sumbody said Who is plies here you go couple dollars this in this corna only goons allowed All tha goons make em proud all my dawgs on pills crowd goin wild wanna crank up da Club put on plies time to throw money ain't threw it in a while slangin money let it fly

14 Mar, 2009

DO WHAT IT DO BABY

You know what, I'm ma make it do what it do baby, I'm ma make it do what it do baby Now baby I just wanna take U're freak'n clothes off, Kiss U're body while I take U're freak'n clothes off, Leave'dem heals on while I take U're clothes off, Leave'dem lights on, let me see U go off Oo Oo, baby that's my body call'n ya name Oo Oo, and baby that's ya body do'n the same So act right, don't show me, back it up, now put it on me, act right, don't show me, back it up, now put it on me Now what U wanna do, U wanna get high, U wanna get fired up What U wanna do, U wanna get s**xed, U wanna get tied up, Get yo rodeo wired up, baby girl lift dem thighs up, I think U betta wise up, Cuz I'm about 2 rise up-- Repeat Now baby holla at me tell me what U miss'n I can put in work from every position From the kitchen table, 2 the bedroom floor Oo Oo, baby that's my body call'n ya name Oo Oo, and baby that's ya body do'n the same So act right, don't show me, back it up, put it on me, act right, don't show me, back it up, put it on me Now what U wanna do, U wanna get high, U wanna get fired up What U wanna do, U wanna get s**xed, U wanna get tied up, Get yo rodeo wired up, baby girl lift dem thighs up, I think U betta wise up, Cuz I'm about 2 rise up-- Repeat U're body, U're body's sho nuff singing baby, Show me how U use it girl, we gon pop some champagne, Listen to some music, And once we get our clothes off, wrap U're legs around my shoulders, and it's gon be just like I told ya, Baby I'm gon work you over What U wanna do, U wanna get high, U wanna get fired up What U wanna do, U wanna get s**xed, U wanna get tied up, Get yo rodeo wired up, baby girl lift dem thighs up, I think U betta wise up, Cuz I'm about to rise up

12 Mar, 2009

I LOVE U MORE

The more you, put me through, The more it makes me wanna come back to you, You say you hate me, I just love you more, You don't want me, I just want you more, I buy you flowers, you throw 'em at me, I know it's sad but it's makin me happy, The more that you slap me, the more that it turns me on, Cuz you love me, and I love you more. It's sick, but who could ever predict, We'd be doin' the same s***, We say we do it for our baby but we don't, We do it for us, it's lust, Cuz neither one of us trusts each other, So we f*** 'til we bust, Then we cuss each other, out, We know what it's about, Shout 'til I throw you out the house, You throw me out the house, I throw you on the couch, Punch you in the mouth, Fist fight 'til we turn this mother OUT, And apologize after, Laughter, pain, it's insane, We're back in the same chapter again, And it's sad but it's true, When I'm layin' here with you, There ain't nothin' anyone could ever say ever do. Cuz I hate you, do you hate me? Good cuz you're so f***in' beautiful when you're angry, It makes me wanna just take you, And just throw you on the bed, And f*** you like I don't even know you, You f*** other people, and I f*** other people, You a s*** but I'm equal, I'm a mutt, We're both evil in our ways, But neither one of us would ever admit it, Cuz one of us would have one up on the other, So forget it, We can make accusations, people spread rumors, But they ain't got proof, 'Til they do it's just the two of us, It's you and me, cuz any chick can say that she's screwin' me, But you gotta believe me to a degree, Cuz if you didn't I wouldn't be hittin' it, Yeah I would cuz the s** is too damn good, If I ran who would I run to, That would be this soft and warm, So it's off and on, usually more off than on, But at least we know that we share this common bond, You're the only one I can f*** without a condom on, I hope, the only reason that I cope, Is cuz of that fact

12 Mar, 2009

STRANGER IN MOSCOW

I was wandering in the rain Mask of life, feelin' insane Swift and sudden fall from grace Sunny days seem far away Kremlin's shadow belittlin' me Stalin's tomb won't let me be On and on and on it came Wish the rain would just let me How does it feel (How does it feel) How does it feel How does it feel When you're alone And you're cold inside Here abandoned in my fame Armageddon of the brain KGB was doggin' me Take my name and just let me be Then a begger boy called my name Happy days will drown the pain On and on and on it came And again, and again, and again... Take my name and just let me be How does it feel (How does it feel) How does it feel How does it feel How does it feel How does it feel (How (does it feel now) How does it feel How does it feel When you're alone And you're cold inside How does it feel (How does it feel) How does it feel How does it feel How does it feel How does it feel (How does it feel now) How does it feel How does it feel When you're alone And you're cold inside Like stranger in Moscow Like stranger in Moscow We're talkin' danger We're talkin' danger, baby Like stranger in Moscow We're talkin' danger We're talkin' danger, baby Like stranger in Moscow I'm live in lonely I'm live in lonely, baby Stranger in Moscow "Why have you come from the West? Confess! To steal the great achievments of the people, the accomplishments of the workers..."

11 Mar, 2009

never again

Would have given up my life for you Guess it's true what they say about love It's blind Girl, you lied straight to my face Looking in my eyes And I believed you 'cause I loved you more than life And all you had to do Was apologize You didn't say you're sorry I don't understand You don't care that you hurt me And now I'm half the man That I used to be when it was you and me You didn't love me enough My heart may never mend And you'll never get to love me, again No, no, no, no, no, no Sadness has me at the end of the line Helpless watched you break this heart of mine And loneliness only wants you back here with me Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me And all you had to do Was apologize, and mean it But you didn't say you're sorry I don't understand You don't care that you hurt me And now I'm half the man That I used to be when it was you and me You didn't love me enough My heart may never mend And you'll never get to love me I wish like hell I could go back in time Maybe then I could see how Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try But it's too late, it's over now You didn't say you're sorry I don't understand You don't care that you hurt me And now I'm half the man That I used to be when it was you and me You didn't love me enough My heart may never mend And you'll never get to love me Again Again, yeah, yeah Again, again, again, yeah, yeah, yeah Never get to love me

10 Mar, 2009

your ways

You can't say that I don't love ya Nights cryin' thinkin' of ya I don't understand your ways They say true love is forever gladness All that I feel is sadness I don't understand your ways You keep me walkin' my way back to you You say you love me then leave me so blue You break my heart, then you say that we're through But it's O.K. I don't understand your ways What have I done to deserve this madnsess All that I feel is sadness I don't understand your ways You keep me walkin' my way back to you You say you love me and let's start anew You break my heart, then say we're through No more believin' In every word you say Persuasions deceiving But I'm wise in every way And I know 'bout your playin' With every guy in town So this time I'm sayin' You won't fool me around Then you get me walkin' my way back to you You say you love me then leave me blue You break my heart, then you say that we're through But it's O.K. You're no good I don't understand your ways One more fool just to love and groove ya That's all that he want to do to ya I don't unserstand your ways

10 Mar, 2009

THREATENED

You’re fearing me, ‘cause you know I’m a beast Watching you when you sleep, when you’re in bed I’m underneath You’re trapped in halls, and my face is the walls I’m the floor when you fall, and when you scream it’s ‘cause of me I’m the living dead, the dark thoughts in your head I know just what you said That’s why you’ve got to be threatened by me You should be watching me, you should feel threatened Why you sleep, why you creep, you should be threatened Every time your lady speaks she speaks to me, threatened Half of me you’ll never be, so you should feel threatened by me You think you’re by yourself, but it’s my touch you felt I’m not a ghost from Hell, but I’ve got a spell on you In one blink I’ll disappear, and then I’ll come back to haunt you I’m telling you, when you lie under a tomb I’m the one watching you That’s why you got to be threatened by me The unknown monster is about to embark From a far corner, out of the dark A nightmare, that’s the case Never Neverland, that’s the place This particular monster can read minds Be in tow places at the same time This is judgement night, execution, slaughter The devil, ghosts, this monster is torture You can be sure of one thing, that’s fate A human presence that you feel is strange A monster that you can see disappear A monster, the worst thing to fear. What you have just witnessed could be the end of a particularly terrifying nightmare. It isn’t. It’s the beginning.

10 Mar, 2009

AIN'T NO SUNSHINE

You ever want something That you know you shouldn't have The more you know you shouldn't have it, The more you want it And then one day you get it, It's so good too But it's just like my girl When she's around me I just feel so good, so good But right now I just feel cold, so cold Right down to my bones 'cause ooh... Ain't no sunshine when she's gone It's not warm when she's away Ain't no sunshine when she's gone And she's always gone too long Anytime she goes away Wonder this time where she's gone Wonder if she's gone to stay Ain't no sunshine when she's gone And this house just ain't no home Anytime she goes away I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, know, know, know, know, I know, I know, Hey I ought to leave I ought to leave her alone Ain't no sunshine when she's gone Ain't no sunshine when she's gone Only darkness every day Ain't no sunshine when she's gone And this house just ain't no home Anytime she goes away

09 Mar, 2009

if i don't love you this way

If I don't love you this way If I don't love you this way If I don't love you this way Why do I say what I say, yeah If I don't need you this much Why do I ache for your touch, yeah With you it seems I can reach the stars With reckless hopes and dreams But you it seems Still don't believe How valuable you are I'm really loving you Not pretending to If I don't love you this strong Why do I beg to belong, yeah How can you doubt that I care When I'm with you everywhere, yeah With you I find I can close my eyes To the world surrounding me And you create The sweetest things That I could ever be I'm really loving you Not pretending to If I don't love you this way Why do I say what I say, yeah If I don't need you this much Why do I ache for your touch, yeah You just have to smile To make my life worth while Doesn't that explain That I'm playin' no games If I don't love you this way Why do I say what I say, yeah If I don't need you this much Why do I ache for your touch, yeah

09 Mar, 2009

never can say goodbye

Never can say goodbye No no no no, I Never can say goodbye Even though the pain and heartache Seems to follow me wherever I go Though I try and try to hide my feelings They always seem to show Then you try to say you're leaving me And I always have to say no... Tell me why Is it so That I Never can say goodbye No no no no, I Never can say goodbye Everytime I think I've had enough I start heading for the door There's a very strange vibration piercin me right to the core It says turn around you fool You know you love her more and more Tell me why (tell me why) Is it so (is it so) Don't wanna let you go! I can never can say goodbye girl (never can say goodbye girl) ou ou baby (don't wanna let you go girl) I never can say goodbye no no no no no no no no no no no ou! oh! I never can say goodbye girl (never can say goodbye girl) ouuuuuuuu ouuuuuuuuuu never can say goodbye no no no no no no no no no no no I keep thinkin that our problems Soon are all gonna work out But there's that same unhappy feeling and there's that anguish, there's that doubt It's the same old did ya hang up Can't do with you or without Tell me why Is it so Don't wanna let you go

08 Mar, 2009

YOU WILL KNOW

Lonely one of young so brokenhearted Travelling down the rigid road of life Using pharmaceutical extractions To find the paradise Finds the high but comes down feeling lower Gets down on their knees and starts to pray Looking up to heaven for the answer They hear a voice that says You will know Troubled heart youll know Problems have solutions Trust and I will show You will know Troubled heart youll know Every life has reason For I made it so Single parent trying to raise their children But they would much rather not alone Reaches out to find that special someone To make their house a home Finds someone but no one is the right one Gets down on their knees and starts to pray Looking up to heaven for the answer They hear a voice that says You will know Troubled heart youll know Problems have solutions Trust and I will show You will know Troubled heart youll know Every life has reason For I made it so

08 Mar, 2009

im in love

As the day goes by I'm always thinkin' of your face Your hair your eyes your sweet lips and the way they taste You got me goin' on high that I have never felt A beautiful thing (not like the same thing) This thing we've got it so amazing what I love the most Is how we can talk and how we laugh and the fact we're so close It's no illusion but it's magic no tricks involved With you I got it all I'm in love I'm in love Do you hear me Was so scared not prepared But it just hit me Glad it's us now I'm good I'm so in love I'm in love I'm in love And it's a good thing Many miss out on things Real lover's bring Glad it's us now I'm good I'm so in love In my mind I'm in a world alone just you and I Your my eve and I'm your Adam so let's start new lives Cuz the way you make me feel it's like a new beginning girl In all different ways (so many different ways) You have been for with me for my past and the mistakes I've made You was still strong and had my back now the foundations laid And I wanna spend the rest of my life just fulfilling you With everything you want everything you need It's one of those things and It's real hard to explain but It's real and fills your heart And hearts just don't lie no You will know real love Cuz nothing feels like it and It touches things inside It's a real experience

08 Mar, 2009

CHILDHOOD

Have you seen my Childhood? I'm searching for the world that I come from 'Cause I've been looking around In the lost and found of my heart... No one understands me They view it as such strange eccentricities... ' Cause I keep kidding around Like a child, but pardon me... People say I'm not okay ' Cause I love such elementary things... It's been my fate to compensate, for the Childhood I've never known... Have you seen my Childhood? I'm searching for that wonder in my youth Like pirates in adventurous dreams, Of conquest and kings on the throne... Before you judge me, try hard to love me, Look within your heart then ask, Have you seen my Childhood? People say I'm strange that way ' Cause I love such elementary things, It's been my fate to compensate, for the Childhood I've never known... Have you seen my Childhood? I'm searching for that wonder in my youth Like fantastical stories to share The dreams I would dare, watch me fly... Before you judge me, try hard to love me. The painful youth I've had Have you seen my Childhood...

06 Mar, 2009

freestyle

If I'm elected for ten terms I'm renewing the staff after the inagural And hiring all girls as interns If I don't like you, I'll snatch you outta your mic booth While you're rappin and pull your right through the window and fight you I'll take you straight to the pavement Uppercut you, and scrape your face wit a bracelet Like a razor that shaved it Three drinks and I'm ready to flash Runnin on stage in a G-string, wit a bee sting on my a** (Look!) It's probably all cuz I ain't awkward at all I just like to walk through the mall, stop, and talk to the wall And have a relapse after I just fought through withdrawl (Hop in the car little girl, I just bought you a doll) The Bad and Evil movement is comin Plus the music is pumpin like a pill freak wit a tube in his stomach I write a rhyme a day So it's no wonder how come your whole album Is soundin like a bunch of s*** that I would say Whether it's one verse or one letter I'll probably be the cleverest one that never gets spun ever It's Slim Shady and Tony Touch, it's only us The rest of y'all are just stuck in the middle wit Monie Love

06 Mar, 2009

XSCAPE

Everywhere I turn, no matter where I look The systems in control, it's all ran by the book I've got to get away so I can clear my mind, Xscape is what I need, Away from electric eyes No matter where I am, I see my face around They then ask on my name, and push from town to town Don't have a place to run, but there's no need to hide, I've got to, find a place, So I won't hide away Xscape, got to get away from a system lose in the world today Xscape, the pressure that I face from relationships that's gone away Xscape, the man with the pen that writes the lies that hassle this man Xscape, I do what I wanna cause I gotta face nobody but me (Girl) Sometimes I feel like I've gotta get away I tried to share my life with someone I could love But games and money is all she ever thought of How could that be my fault when she gambled and lost? I'm tired of silly games, It's time to make a change Why is it I can't do whatever I want to? (oh) Went in my personal life and I don't live for you (you) So don't you try to tell me what is right for me You be concerned about you, I can do what I want to Xscape, (hoo-hoo) (oh, no) got to get away from a system lose in the world today (I've got to get away) Xscape, the pressure that I face from relationships that's gone away (don't you know I need it?) Xscape, the man with the pen that writes the lies that hassle this man (I've got to get away) Xscape, I do what I wanna cause I gotta face nobody but me (get away) Xscape, (don't you try it) got to get away from a system lose in the world today Xscape, the pressure that I face from relationships that's gone away (pressure that I'm facing every day) Xscape, (hoo-hoo) the man with the pen that writes the lies that hassle this man (come on, now) Xscape, (come on, now) I do what I wanna cause I gotta face nobody but me (hoo-hoo) Bridge When I go, (oh, go) this problem world won't bo

05 Mar, 2009

MY SUMMER LOVE

Farewell my summer love, farewell Girl I won't forget you, Farewell, my summer love, farewell, ooh I found my happiest days, When you came to see your grandma in may I bumped into you by the corner store I told you that you sure looked good, now Your grandma's house was next to mine We were together most of the time But summer's gotten away from us Time's moving too fast for us (Bye, bye) Don't turn around ' Cause you might see me cry Farewell my summer love, farewell Girl I won't forget you Farewell, my summer love, farewell, ooh, yeah When you return to your hometown And you discuss your trip Will I be the guy that you put down Or someone that you don't forget, no? I'll never forget you And maybe next year When you're out of school You'll return, but until you do, baby (Bye, bye) Don't turn around You might see me cry Farewell my summer love, farewell Girl I won't forget you Farewell, my summer love, farewell, yeah Oooh Farewell, farewell Oooh, Farewell, farewell If you remember my name, (Drop a line) Drop a line sometime, yeah Yeah, ooh Girl I won't forget you Farewell my summer love, farewell Girl I won't forget you When you return to your hometown And you discuss your trip Will I be the guy that you put down Or someone that you don't forget, no? I'll never forget you And maybe next year When you're out of school You'll return, but until you do, baby (Bye, bye) Don't turn around You might see me cry Farewell, my summer love, farewell, oohh, yeah Farewell, my summer love, farewell

05 Mar, 2009

i wanna dance with that women

Uh, yeah, uh huh Go ladies, go ladies Go ladies, go ladies Go ladies, go ladies Go ladies, go ladies Uh, woo! She's like the sun shining bright A romantic moonlight Like white clouds and blue skies She's got diamonds in her eyes My rainbow after the rain She's my joy after the pain Far away paradise Make you wanna touch the sky Like the highest mountain peak As the ocean goes deep... I wanna dance with that woman, yeah Dance with that woman, yeah I wanna dance with that woman, yeah I'm gonna... Treat her like heaven (yeah) Treat her like heaven (yeah) Treat her like heaven (yeah) Treat her like heaven (yeah) Make her smile (yeah) Keep her happy (yeah) Take her stepping (yeah) Yeah (yeah) oh yeah She's like the greatest waterfalls On Christmas she's Miss Santa Claus Just like grandma's apple pie Girl you're all the reasons why She's a comforter and friend I tell you she's that peace within She's the lover in my home She's the strength when I'm not strong Every day my valentine I'm so glad heaven made her mine... I wanna dance with that woman, yeah Dance with that woman, yeah I wanna dance with that woman, yeah I'm gonna... Treat her like heaven (yeah) Treat her like heaven (yeah) Treat her like heaven (yeah) Treat her like heaven (yeah) Make her smile (yeah) Keep her happy (yeah) Take her stepping (yeah) Yeah (yeah) (Oh sometimes) Sometimes we forget what the (yeah) Woman means to us (oh) That's why I want ladies night (oh yeah) To show the ladies some love (yeah) So fellas stand on your feet (stand up yeah) Take your girl by the hand (and walk) And walk her to the dance floor (mmm hmm) And begin to dance, yes Dance... (woah) dance... (woah) Dance... (woah) dance... Let's dance

04 Mar, 2009

dear michael

She wrote ‘Dear Michael, You’ll probably never get this letter Michael, I wrote you a hundred times before Knowing how I feel, I’ll write a hundred more’ ‘Dear Michael, everytime your record’s on Michael, I close my eyes and sing along Dreaming you’re singing to me’ And then she wrote ‘Michael, I love you I’ve held tears back long as I can I’m sealing my feelings in this envelope ’Cause I wanna be more than just your number one fan’ I’m gonna answer your letter I’ll start beginning with the ABCs of loving you Your letter really touched my heart I’ve been dreaming of meeting the picture That you sent along, signed with all your love (Michael, Michael) (I want you) (She wrote) I’m gonna write you back Ooh, I promise you that Girl, I think I love you Hurry, hurry Mr Postman Take my letter Tell her her I love her Hurry, hurry Mr Postman Take my letter Tell her I love her

04 Mar, 2009

BUTTERFLIES

All you gotta do is just walk away and pass me by Don't acknowledge my smile when I try to say hello to you, yeah And all you gotta do is not answer my calls when I'm trying to get through To keep me wondering why, when all I can do is sigh I just wanna touch you [Chorus] I just wanna touch and kiss And I wish that I could be with you tonight You give me b***erflies inside, inside and I All I gotta say is that I must be dreaming, can't be real You're not here with me, still I can feel you near me I caress you, let you taste us, just so blissful listen I would give you anything baby, just make my dreams come true Oh baby you give me b***erflies [Chorus] I just wanna touch and kiss And I wish that I could be with you tonight You give me b***erflies inside, inside and I I just wanna touch and kiss And I wish that I could be with you tonight You give me b***erflies inside, inside and I If you would take my hand, baby I would show you Guide you to the light babe If you would be my love, baby I will love you, love you ' Til the end of time [Chorus] I just wanna touch and kiss And I wish that I could be with you tonight You give me b***erflies inside, inside and I I just wanna touch and kiss And I wish that I could be with you tonight You give me b***erflies inside, inside and I I just wanna touch and kiss And I wish that I could be with you tonight You give me b***erflies inside, inside and I

03 Mar, 2009

WE'EV HAD ENOUGH

Love was taken from a young life And no one told her why Her direction has a dimlight From one more violent crime She innocently questioned why Why her father had to die She asked the men in blue How is it that you get to choose Who will live and who will die Did god say that you could decide ? You saw he didn't run And then my daddy had no g** In the middle of a village Way in a distant land Lies a poor boy with his broken toy Too young to understand He's awaken, ground is shaking His father grabs his hand Screaming crying, his wife's dying Now he's left to explain He innocently questioned why Why his mother had to die What did these soldiers come here for ? If they're for peace why is there war ? Did God say that they could decide Who will live and who will die ? All my mama ever did Was try to take care of her kids When innocence is standing by Watching people loosing lives It seems as if we have no voice It's time for us to make a choice Only god could decide Who will live and who will die There's nothing that can't be done If we raise our voice as one They've gotta hear it from me? They've gotta hear it from you? They've gotta hear it from us? We can't take it We've already had enough They've gotta hear it from me? They've gotta hear it from you? They've gotta hear it from us? We can't take it We've already had enough They've gotta hear it from me? They've gotta hear it from you? They've gotta hear it from you baby? We can't take it We've already had enough Deep in my soul baby Deep in your soul and by your side Deep in my soul It's so big and i'm still alive They've gotta hear it from us? We can't take it We've already had enough It's going down baby Just let God decide, It's going on baby Just let God decide Deep in my soul baby We've already had enough They've gotta hear it from

03 Mar, 2009

BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR

She got your number She know your game She put you under Its so insane Since you seduced her How does it feel To know that woman Is out to kill Every night stance is like takin a chance Its not about love and romance And now youre gonna get it Every hot man is out takin a chance Its not about love and romance And now you do regret it To escape the world Ive got to enjoy that simple dance And it seemed that everything was on my side (blood on my side) She seemed sincere like it was love and true romance And now shes out to get me And I just cant take it Just cant break it Susie got your number And susie aint your friend Look who took you under With seven inches in Blood is on the dance floor Blood is on the knife Susies got your number And susie says its right She got your number How does it feel To know this stranger Is out to kill She got your baby It happened fast If you could only Erase the past Every night stance is like takin a chances Its not about love and romance And now youre gonna get it Every hot man is out takin a chance Its not about love and romance And now you do regret it To escape the world I got to enjoy this simple dance And it seemed that everything was on my side (blood on my side) It seemed sincere like it was love and true romance And now shes out to get me And I just cant take it Just cant break it Susie got your number And susie aint your friend Look who took you under With seven inches in Blood is on the dance floor Blood is on the knife Susie got your number You know susie says its right Susies got your number Susie aint your friend Look who took you under She put seven inches in Blood is on the dance floor Blood is on the knife Susies got your number Susie says its right It was blood on the dance floor (blood on the dance floor) It was blood on the dance floor (blood on the dance floor) It was blood on the dance floor (blood on the dance f

03 Mar, 2009

someone in the dark

All alone wishing on stars Waiting for you to find me One sweet night I knew I would see A stranger who'd be my friend When someone in the dark reaches out to you And touches off a spark that comes shining through It tells you never be afraid Then somewhere in your heart you can feel the glow A light to keep you warm when the night winds blow Like it was written in the stars I knew My friend, my someone in the dark was you Promise me we'll always be Walking the world together Hand in hand where dreams never end My star secret friend and me When someone in the dark reaches out to you And touches off a spark that comes shining through It tells you never be afraid Then somewhere in your heart you can feel the glow A light to keep you warm when the night winds blow Look for the rainbow in the sky I believe you and I Could never really say goodbye Wherever you may be I 'll look up and see Someone in the dark for me Wherever you may be I'll look up and see Someone in the dark for me Though you're gone star far away Each time I see a rainbow I'll remember being with you Smiles coming through my tears When someone in the dark reaches out for you And touches off a spark that comes shining through It tells you never be afraid Then somewhere in your heart you can feel the glow A light to keep you warm when the night winds blow Look for the rainbow in the sky I believe you and I Could never really say goodbye Wherever you may be I'll look up and see Someone in the dark for me Wherever you may be I 'll look up and see Someone in the dark for me

02 Mar, 2009

break of dawn

hold my hand, fell the touch of your body cling to mine u and me making love all the way threw another night i remember, u and i walking threw the park at night, kiss and touch nothing much, let it blow just touch and go, love me more never leave, me alone by the house of love people talk people say what we have it's just a game, ill never let u go come here girl just got to make sweet love until the break of dawn i don't want the sun to shine i wanna make love just this magic in your eyes and in my heart i don't know what im gonna do i can't stop loving u, i wont stop til break of dawn making love hold my head fell the sweet yes you've got me nervous yet, let me groove, let me soothe, let me take u on a cruise there's imagination i bet you've never been there before, have u ever wanted to dream, about those places you've never know there no sun up in the sky i can see it in your eyes, gurl u got to understand it's the way that i love u let me show u im your man BREAK OF DAWN

27 Feb, 2009

speechless

your love is magical that's how i fell but i have not the words here to explain gone is the grace for expression of passion but there are worlds and worlds of way to explain to tell u how i fell, but im speechlees that's how u make me feel though im with u i am far away and nothing is for real when im with u i am lost for words, i don't know what 2 say my heads spinning like a carousel, so silent i pray helpless and hopelss that's how i fell inside, nothing real, but all is possible if god is on my side when im with u i am in the light where i cannot be found it's as though i am standing in the place called hollowed ground speechless, speechless thats how u make me feel though im with u i am far away and nothing is 4 real i'll goi anywhere and do anything just to touch your face there no mountain high i cannot climb im humbled in your grace speechless. speechless that's how u make me feel

26 Feb, 2009

PRIVACY

Aint the pictures enough why do u go through so much to get the stores you need so you can bury me you've got the people confused you tell the stories u choose you try to get me to lose the man i really am you keep on stalking me invading my privacy won't you just let me be cause your cameras can't control the mind of those who know that you'll even sell your soul just to get a story sold I NEED MY PRIVACY

24 Feb, 2009

BEN

Ben the two of us need look no more we both found what we were looking 4 with a friend to call my own i'll never be alone and you, my friend will see you've got a friend in me ben you're always running here and there, you fell you're not wanted anywhere if you ever look behind and don't like what u find there something u should know you've got a place to go

06 Feb, 2009

tupac-to live& die in la

Dominique] Street Science, you're on the air [static] What do you feel when you hear a record like Tupac's new one? [static] [Man responds] I love Tupac's new record [static] [Dominique] Right, but don't you feel like that creates [static] a tension between East and West? [static] He's talking about killing people [static] I had s** with your wife and not in those words [static] but he's talking about I wanna see you deceased [static] [Intro: Makaveli] No doubt... to live and die in LA California -- what you say about Los Angeles Still the only place for me that never rains in the sun and everybody got love [Verse One: Makaveli] To live and die in LA, where everyday we try to fatten our pockets Us niggaz hustle for the cash so it's hard to knock it Everybody got they own thang, currency chasing Worldwide through the hard times, warrior faces Shed tears as we bury niggaz close to heart What was a friend now a ghost in the dark, cold hearted bout it Nigga got smoked by a fiend, trying to floss on him Blind to a broken man's dream, a hard lesson Court cases keep me guessing, plea bargain ain't an option now, so I'm stressing, cost me more to be free than a life in the pen Making money off of cuss words, writing again Learn how to think ahead, so I fight with my pen Late night down Sunset liking the scene What's the worst they could do to a nigga got me lost in hell To live and die in LA on bail, my angel sing [Chorus: Val Young] To live and die in LA, it's the place to be You've got to be there to know it, what everybody wanna see [repeat 2X] [Verse Two: Makaveli] It's the, City of Angels and constant danger South Central LA, can't get no stranger Full of drama like a soap opera, on the curb Watching the ghetto bird helicopters, I observe So many niggaz getting three strikes, tossed in jail I swear the pen the right across from hell, I can't cry Cause it's

06 Feb, 2009

T I FEAT JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DEAD GONE

Ay Let me kick it to you right quick, man That on some gangsta s*** man, on some real s*** Anybody done been through the same thing, I'm sure you feel the same way Big Phil This for you pimpin' [Chorus - Justin Timberlake (T.I.)] Ohhhh (eyyy) I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long) Just tryna find my way back home (back home) The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone And ohhhh (eyyy) I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long) Just tryna find my way back home (back home) The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone, dead and gone [Verse 1 - T.I.] Ever had one of dem days wish woulda stayed home Run into a group of niggas who gettin' they hate on You walk by They get wrong You reply then s*** get blown Way outta proportion Way past discussion Just you against them, pick one then rush 'em Figure you get your hair that's next They don't wanna stop there now they bussin' Now you gushin', ambulance rushin' You to the hospital with a bad concussion Plus ya hit 4 times Plus it hit ya spine Paralyzed waist down now ya wheel chair bound Nevermind that now you lucky to be alive Just think it all started you fussin' with 3 guys Now ya pride in the way, but ya pride is the way You could f*** around, get shot, die anyday Niggas die everyday All over bull s***, dope money, dice game, ordinary hood s*** Could this be 'cos of hip hop music? Or did the ones with the good sense not use it? Usually niggas don't know what to do when their back against the wall so they just start shootin' For red or for blue or for blo I guess From Bankhead or from your projects No more stress, now I'm straight, now I get it, now I take Time to think, before I make mistakes just for my family's sake That part of me left yesterday The heart of me is strong today No regrets I'm blessed to say The old me dead and gone away [Chorus - Justin Timberlake (T.I.)] Ohhhh (eyyy) I've

04 Feb, 2009

unbreakable

Don't you ever make no mistake Baby I've got what it takes And there's no way you'll ever get to me Why can't you see that you'll never ever hurt me 'Cause I won't let it be, see I'm too much for you baby You can't believe it, you can't conceive it And you can't touch me, 'cause I'm untouchable And I know you hate it, and you can't take it You'll never break me, 'cause I'm unbreakable Now you can't stop me even though you think That if you block me, you've done your thing And when you bury me underneath all your pain I'm steady laughin', while surfacing Don't you ever make no mistake Baby I've got what it takes And there's no way you'll ever get to me Why can't you see that you'll never ever hurt me ' Cause I won't let it be, see I'm too much for you baby You can't believe it, you can't conceive it And you can't touch me, 'cause I'm untouchable And I know you hate it, and you can't take it You'll never break me, 'cause I'm unbreakable You can't believe it, you can't conceive it And you can't touch me, 'cause I'm untouchable And I know you hate it, and you can't take it You'll never break me, 'cause I'm unbreakable You can try to stop me, but it won't do a thing No matter what you do, I'm stll gonna be here Through all your lies and silly games I'm a still remain the same, I'm unbreakable Uh, uh, what, uh I'm a lime to a lemon, my CeCe women Bringin in ten G minimums to condos with elevators in 'em Vehicles with televisions in 'em Watch they entourage turn yours to just mirages Disappearing acts, strictly nines and macs Killers be serial, Copperfield material My dreams is vivid, work hard to live it Any place I visit, I got land there How can players stand there and say I sound like them HELLO?! Push wigs back and push six Coupes that's yellow Plus clips that expand from hand to elbow Spray up your Day's Inn, any 'telle you in Crack braggin sick of braggin how my mink be

04 Feb, 2009

MY LOVELY ONE

Why don't you believe me when I say that I love you? 'Cause I'm crazy 'bout you Wear the face that tells me you think my loving ain't true I'm all about you You're my desirer higher, higher everytime I speak your name That's all I do (that's all I do, that's all I do, that's all I do) And the way that I can't sleep at night just proves what I go through I'm crazy 'bout you Now the first time that I saw you walking down the street so pretty Gone with your bad self Now you say that I don't love you When it's giving my love pains It's the hurt and the tension Girl, it's driving me insane Chorus You are my, you are my You are my lovely one You are my, you are my You are my lovely one You are my, you are my You are my lovely one You are my, you are my You are my lovely one! Why don't you believe me, When I say that I am true? I'm crazy 'bout you I'm here to love and please you, I'll do what you want me to I'm all about you Living and hoping, but I'm coping With these things you put me through That's all I do The way that I can't sleep at night Just proves what I go through I crazy 'bout you Now the first time that I saw you walking down the street so pretty Gone with your bad self Now you say that I don't love, When it's giving my love pains It's the hurt and the tension Girl, it's driving me insane

04 Feb, 2009

neyo over my head

So I had someone, you had someone We started out as nothin more than friends (Oh) But as the time got spent, I started liking spendin time with you more than him (Oh) (And it wasn't what I meant to do, started thinkin bout kissin you) Accidently, accidently (Oh) (Suddenly out of the blue, guess she was thinkin about it too) Cause you kissed me, and he saw it Damn. Damn. I might be over my head A little over my head But I kinda like it (Kinda like it) This is not what I expected A little over my head But I kinda like it (I kinda like it) I kinda like it (Oh) I said I kinda like it (Oh-oh) So of course he started acting crazy, Wound up punchin you right in the eye (Oh) He felt like the man but I felt bad So I called you later to apologize (Oh. Oh-whoa) (And it wasn't what I meant to do (Oh no), started thinkin bout seein you) Accidently (Ooh), accidently (Ooh) Oh-whoa (Suddenly out of the blue, guess she was thinkin about it too) Cause you came to get me, and he saw you Damn. Damn. Damn. I might be over my head (Oh) A little over my head (Over my head) But I kinda like it (Kinda like it. Whoa-oh) This is not what I expected (I expected) A little over my head (Over my head) But I kinda like it (kinda like it) I kinda like it This is so crazy and so hard Theyre fighting over me in the front yard I dont know who I should root for But there's one thing that I do know I might be over my head A little over my head But I kinda like it (Kinda like it) This is not what I expected (I expected) A little over my head (Over my head) But I kinda like it (Kinda like it. Oh) I kinda like it. I might be over my head (Hey. Hey) A little over my head (Hey) But I kinda like it (And I kinda like it) This is not what I expected A little over my head But I kinda like it (kinda like it) I kinda like it (Ooh) A little over my head A little over my head (My head) A little over my head (Ooh) A little over my head A litt

29 Jan, 2009

justin timberlake rock your body

Don't be so quick to walk away Dance with me I wanna rock your body, please stay Dance with me You don't have to admit you, wanna play Dance with me Just let me rock you, 'til the break of day Dance with me Got time, but I don't mind Just wanna rock you girl I'll have whatever you have Come on, let's give it a whirl See I've been watching you I like the way you move So go ahead and girl just do That a** thing you do So you grab your girls And you grab a couple more And you all come meet me In the middle of the floor Said the air is thick, it's smelling right So you pass to the left then you sail to the right Don't be so quick to walk away Dance with me I wanna rock your body, please stay Dance with me You don't have to admit you, wanna play Dance with me Just let me rock you, 'til the break of day Dance with me I don't mean no harm Just wanna rock you girl You can move, but be calm Let's go, let's give it a whirl See it appears to me You like the way I move I'll tell you what I'm gonna do Pull you close and share my groove So you grab your girls And you grab a couple more And you all can meet me In the middle of the floor Said the air is thick, it's smelling right So you pass to the left then you sail to the right Don't be so quick to walk away Dance with me I wanna rock your body, please stay Dance with me You don't have to admit you wanna play Dance with me Just let me rock you Till the break of day Dance with me Talk to me boy No disrespect, I don't mean no harm Talk to me boy But I can't wait to have you in my arms Talk to me boy Hurry up 'cause you're taking too long Talk to me boy Bet I'll have you naked by the end of this song So what did you come for? I came to dance with you And you know that you don't want to hit the floor I need some romance with you You're searching for love forever more And I'll take a chanc

27 Jan, 2009

michael jacskon get on the floor

Ah Get On The Floor And Dance Ah, On The Floor And Dance [Chorus] So Get On The Floor And Dance With Me I Love The Way You Shake Your Thing Especially [1st Verse] There's A Chance For Dancin' All Night Long There's A Chance For Groovin' And It Will Be Soothing With A Song [Bridge] Then Why Don't You Just Dance Across The Floor 'Cause There's A Chance For Chances And The Chance Is Choosin' And I Sure Would Like Just To Groove With You [Chorus] So Get On The Floor And Dance With Me I Love The Way You Shake Your Thing Especially So Get On The Floor And Dance With Me I Love The Way You Shake That Thing (Girl) Especially [2nd Verse] No Need For Rejection Determined To Be Gonna Groove Gonna Move Ya Gonna Say Things To Ya Just Wait And See [Bridge] Then Why Don't You Just Dance Across The Floor 'Cause There's A Chance For Choices And It's You I'm Choosin' And I Sure Would Like Just To Groove With You [Chorus] So Get On The Floor And Dance With Me I Love The Way You Shake Your Thing Especially So Get On The Floor And Dance With Me I Love The Way You Shake That Thing Girl Especially [Chant] Get Up Won't You G'on Down Shake Your Body Won't You G'on Get Down Get Up Won't You G'on Down Shake Your Body Won't You G'on Get Down... [Chorus] So Get On The Floor And Dance With Me I Love The Way You Shake That Thing Girl Especially So Get On The Floor And Dance With Me I Love The Way You Shake That Thing Girl Especially [Chant] Get Up Won't You G'on Down Shake Your Body Won't You G'on Get Down Get Up Won't You G'on Down Shake Your Body Won't You G'on Get Down Get Up Won't You G'on Down Shake Your Body Won't You G'on Get Down Get Up Won't You G'on Down Shake Your Body Won't You G'on Get Down