08 Mar, 2008

M J JOKE

What do Micheal Jackson and sushi have in common? They both come on little white crackers----Why does Michael Jackson wear a pair of boys underwear on his arm? Its a patch. Hes trying to quit

08 Mar, 2008

Poem

hickory d***ory dock, the b**** was s***ing my cock, the clock struck two, i emptied my goo, and dumped her at the end of the block.

07 Mar, 2008

joke

See if you can do this: Read each line aloud: ------- This is this cat - This is is cat = This is how cat - This is to cat - This is keep cat - This is a cat - This is dumbass cat - This is busy cat - This is for cat - This is forty cat - This is seconds cat - Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top... I bet you can't resist passing it on!

07 Mar, 2008

i put a bunch of jokes together and made this

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a g**bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink." When the g**waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your p****?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The g**waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your p****. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies." The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your p****?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!" A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your p****?" The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?" Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his p****. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my p**** is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer." The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?" The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"

07 Mar, 2008

joke

What does one f** say to another f** going on vacation? Can I help you pack your s***? How do you know if you're at a g**picnic? The hotdogs taste like s***! What's the first symptom of AIDS? A sharp, stabbing pain in your rectum.

07 Mar, 2008

Joke !!

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "How come you don't stop them?!" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."

31 Dec, 2007

Things that piss me off!!!!!!!!!!

When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know a**hole, you f***ing pulled me over.

31 Dec, 2007

Things that piss me off!!!!

When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the f***ing bus came I would not be standing here a**hole!

31 Dec, 2007

Things that piss me off!!!!!

When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favor! It's on f***ing piece of paper!

31 Dec, 2007

Things that piss me off!!!!!!

When people say "Life is short." What the f***?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f***ing does!! What? Are they going to f***ing do something that's longer?

31 Dec, 2007

Things that piss me off!!!!!!

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't f***ing give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

31 Dec, 2007

Things that piss me off!!!!

When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No d*** head, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the f***ing ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

31 Dec, 2007

Things that piss me off!!!

When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

31 Dec, 2007

Things that piss me off!!!

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

28 Dec, 2007

Random joke

Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight! Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor? A. By the ears. (Lick her) Q. Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute? A. A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again! Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory? A. Two test tickles

28 Dec, 2007

Bumper stickers

Jesus loves you, but I think your an a**hole!- Zero to d*** in 60 seconds.- Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...- Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.- Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS- Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can- If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range- This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random-

28 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax? A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

28 Dec, 2007

Funny Add For Condoms

Don't be a loner, cover your boner.-If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.-The right selection! Protect your erection.

28 Dec, 2007

Pick up lines

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.- That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.- I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.- I like every bone in your body especially mine.- How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?- Will you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on a table and take anything I want?- Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?- Baby I'm like milk, I'll do your body good.- Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.- Hey baby lets play army I'll lay down you can blow me up.- - If your left is thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I visit you in-between the holidays- If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?- You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!- I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly- button.-

28 Dec, 2007

Asses

(_!_) A regular a** (__!__) A fat a** (__)(__) A "wide load" a** (!) A tight a** (_*_) A sore a** {_!_} A swishy a** (_o_) An a** that's been around (_x_) Kiss my a** (_X_) Leave my a** alone (_zzz_) A tired a** (_E=mc2_) A smart a** (_?_) Dumb a** (_Lame_) Lame a** (_jack_) Jackass (_-$_) Cheap a** (_)||(_) Fucked a**

28 Dec, 2007

Poem 4

Roses are red, Violets are corny, When I think of you Ohhh baby I get h****, Eat me, Beat me, Bite me, Blow me, Suck me, Fuck me, Very slowly, if you kiss me, don't be sassy, Use your tongue and make it nasty!

28 Dec, 2007

Poem 3

Max is bad Max is a sin Sins are forgiven So stick it in.

28 Dec, 2007

Poem 2

Smoke a smoke Not a b*** Fuck a virgin Not a s***.

28 Dec, 2007

Poem 1

I like your style I like your class but most of all I like your a**

28 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKES

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a p**** have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.- Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A. A navel.- Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.- Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve? A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.- Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat? A. A Klondike Bar- Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breath through something so small?"- Q. Why don't women wear watches? A. There's a clock on the stove!- Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a b******.- Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

28 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKES

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love? Boy: I tried it once, but their a**holes are too small- A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"-Two woman were talking about the new guy in school. "But he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs." "Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."

28 Dec, 2007

Email me

Plez email me at SuttonSteelers101at gmail.com

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?'' Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.'' And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

Q: What does a girl and a plane have in common? A: They both have cockpits

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang. walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?". God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell." St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they're gone, they're gone!" "Who, the New Yorkers?". "No, the Pearly Gates."

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement? A: Not enough cement. Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"? A: Yeah, it comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

What is defference between A man and Superman? A man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding. Officer: May i see your licence? Lady: what does it look like? Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it. The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer. The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

27 Dec, 2007

RADOM JOKE

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac. I was against it and an argument started. I said there were too few people supporting the Mac. He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?" And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p***ed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shit if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said. So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. " As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go f*** herself"

27 Dec, 2007

RANDOM JOKE

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? - Bob

27 Dec, 2007

You might be a REDECK

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You ever cut your grass and found a car. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

27 Dec, 2007

Random Joke

What do you call an afghan virgin? Mever bin laid on!

27 Dec, 2007

Random Joke

Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Maxual harassment. A.What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.

27 Dec, 2007

Random Joke

No offens it just a joke WATS THE DIFFERENTS BETWEEN A SLICE OF BREAD AND A JEW? BREAD DOES NOT SCREAM WHEN YOU PUT IT IN A OVEN!!