Lotta Luv's Profile

Member Since: 05/10/2011
Last Login: 05/18/2019
Profile Views: 6459
hunting for rainbow llamas, Ireland
About Me:
I'm 19 years young, deaf and a purple smurf.. Single. Plan to keep it that way for a while.<3 Nuff said(:

Lotta Luv's Blog

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Jan 29 2017 1:59AM
Part two to first one..
Yes, some days are better than others but today, I am not okay. A quote I found myself able to relate to, "It is kind of shocking when your world falls to pieces and everything and everyone around you carries on with life. How can the birds continue to sing? How can people carry on loving life? It is like you have become frozen in time and are now watching life like a movie. As the weeks and months roll by, life becomes more real again, but you will never forget that point in time where life stood still." - Zoe Clark-Coates You were only 24. You had your whole life ahead of you. I didn't just lose my brother that day, I lost my best friend. Dougie, I love you.
Jan 29 2017 1:58AM
I honestly don't even know how to begin to heal from this. I cannot even process the fact that you are gone and it has been almost 6 months. They tell you its okay to grieve and feel lost. The world prepares you for a lot of crap. Nothing could prepare me for the fact that I lost you to suicide. One minute my world was perfectly fine. I mean you called me the night before and you never even let on. You told me you loved me and that you would call me later. I awoke to the news that you were gone the following morning. Nothing could have prepared me for the lost empty feeling I've had since you left this world behind. Before you died, I never would have imagined that it would be possible to be so hurt, sad, and yet empty at the same time. You were my person. My other half. One of the worst things I can be told is time heals all. No. It makes it more bearable but it does not heal. You never heal from the loss of a loved one due to suicide, you only go one day at a time and learn to deal with the fact that you couldn't save them. If love alone could have saved you, you would have lived forever. I suffer from depression and severe anxiety. They have worsened since you've been gone. As a survivor of suicide loss, it did end your pain but it projected it to your loved ones. We have to live with it every day for the rest of our lives. I cannot even put into words the gut wrenching throat knotting pain I go through on a daily basis. This sadness hits me when I least expect it. It is overwhelming and rushes over me like a tide. I feel sad, hurt, angry at the world, and yet so numb. I spend every day pretending I am fine and that I am healed. In reality I'm broken and can't be fixed just yet. I'll get better with time. I know that. Until then, I stay broken. Ever since I lost you, I constantly need to be alone. I can't stand being surrounded anymore. I cannot even function like I used to. You used to be the glue that held me together. I have the hows. I need the whys.
May 9 2016 4:36PM
Just a little longer until I get to hold you every night and wake up to your handsome face and kiss you every morning. I can't wait until the day we get married. I thank God for you every day. You have been with me through the ups and downs. Your hands have held me at my highest, and your lips have kissed away my tears at my lowest. I look at you and smile because you warm my heart just by being in my thoughts, let alone in front of me. I love you my monkey butt.
Oct 15 2015 4:44PM
Hey, I won't be on this weekend. I'm going camping in the mountains with my dad and his wife, my brother, his girlfriend, my boyfriend, and my boyfriends family. It's gonna be great. I can't wait!
Jun 23 2015 9:41PM
I hate those idiots who stereotype me. I can be a girl with guy friends and not be a slut. I can be somewhat popular due to my nice personality, that doesnt mean I'm going to ignore people and be mean. I love making new friends. I can be a tomboy and wear a dress. I'm just me. It's my life, what gives them the right to dictate it?
Apr 2 2015 11:24PM
(: Go ahead
Would you...?
[] Push me into a wall and kiss me?
[] Come To My House To Do Nothing But Chill?
[] Slap Me?
[] Slap me if i asked you to?
[] Kiss Me?
[] Let Me Kiss You?
[] Watch A Movie With Me?
[] Take Me Home For The Night?
[] Take Me With You?
[] Repost This For Me To Answer Your Questions?
[] Let Me Make You Breakfast?
[] Make me breakfast?
[] Stick Up For Me if I Was Being Put Down?
[] Instant Message Me?
[] Greet Me In Public?
[] Hang Out With Me?
[] Bring Me Around Your Friends?
[] Fall in love with me?
[] Like me?
[] Love me?
[] Go out with me?
Apr 2 2015 8:34AM
46 More days! I can't wait!
Mar 25 2015 5:34PM
What part of back off does he not get?
Mar 7 2015 7:53PM
I can't move my jaw.
Mar 6 2015 8:55PM
Love that Judah Noah, Tj, and Annie know I am going through a tough time and bring me gummy bears and starbucks, with all the Jackass movies and the whole set of BBT(:


Lotta Luv's Friends Comments

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Jan 23 2012 4:57PM

Hey just dropping by to say hi
Aug 7 2011 4:46PM

Hey Kay Kay I miss you so much and I cant wait to talk to you again
Jul 22 2011 12:11AM

Hey Reese's I miss you :( . Hope you get back soon so I can talk to you!
Jul 8 2011 5:15AM

first coment totaly claim coment verginity :P woooohooo woooohooo wooohoooo

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